


Better

by jelliro



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: College Students NCT Dream, Coming of Age, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:35:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 26,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jelliro/pseuds/jelliro
Summary: When the distraught and distracted student, Huang Renjun, is closing out his first year of college, he gets news that his mother's job is transferring her and her family from China to South Korea.After a year of struggling with his mental health, he wonders if this enormous change is going to make him lose even more of himself or if it can be a chance for renewal.Follow along on his journey of navigating through a new environment, meeting a new bunch of people, rediscovering himself, and falling in love.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	1. one

Friday Afternoon  
Late April 2019   
Jilin City, China   
Huang Renjun's Bedroom

"Are you even trying? Bro, this isn't even a competition. This is actually sad to watch..." the grin plastering Chenle's face and his ear piercing cackle not matching his latest statement. 

"Maybe because I'm actually not trying." He definitely was. Renjun was too competitive to not try to smoke his younger brother in any game they played together, especially a game that he showed him first. 

However, this match (like the last 14) ended with Chenle shouting "You lose again!" and doing a mini victory dance, rubbing the defeat in his older brother's face. 

As soon as Renjun reached behind himself to grab the pillow he was leaning on to inevitably launch it at Chenle, their mother burst into the room, obvious anger and exhaustion shown on her face. 

"You've got to be kidding me." 

She frustratedly exclaimed as she unplugged the console the boys had been running since Renjun picked Chenle up from school. 

"Did neither of you hear me calling your names?" 

They both shook their heads no. 

"Sorry", Chenle barely said above a whisper.

"I woke up at 3am to catch the train, worked a 9 hour shift, and after the 2 hour train ride back home I had to grocery shop because YOU didn't do that yesterday when I asked you to.." She said pointing a finger at the older of the two. 

"Come to find that my two fully capable sons can't even hear me yelling for them to help me unload the car because they're too busy playing video games." 

They felt terrible. 

They both know how hard their mother works to keep them all alive and happy. 

She works in Shenyang which is about a 2 hour train ride from their hometown. She's been taking the same early morning rides since Renjun can remember, working long shifts and still coming home and being the most supportive and caring mother they could ever dream of. 

Which makes her rightful recent explosions of frustration and disappointment sting worse. 

Without another word, Renjun stood up from his bed hoping to at least go down to unload the rest of the groceries. 

"Don't bother. I already did it myself." Mrs. Huang tiredly murmured as she turned on her heel and shut the bedroom door behind her. 

"How could you forget to get groceries yesterday? Stupid." The youngest Huang said, obviously trying to poke at his older brother. 

"Shut up. I was preoccupied." He said after lightly smacking the back of Chenle's big head and flopping backwards onto the bed. 

"With what?"

"School! I had a class yesterday." 

"A class? That you attended?"

"Yes..", Renjun barely vocalized while still staring at his ceiling fan. 

"You're such a bad liar. You've been on your college campus maybe 3 times this entire year." 

"I know." He lazily crossed both forearms over his eyes, giving up.

It was true. Throughout Renjun's first year at college, he really hadn't done much but sleep and procrastinate. 

He wasn't even 100% sure about which classes he was enrolled in. 

It was already April.

He had a lot on his mind for the last year and almost none of it had to do with his current higher education status. 

He wasn't always like this.   
He used to be top of his class throughout his middle and high school education.   
He received awards from his school for his language, math, and art skills.   
After all, that's how he got such a good scholarship to go to his current college as an art major. 

If you compared Huang Renjun from this time exactly one year ago to the Huang Renjun he is today, you'd assume he had to go through some shit to end up here. 

And you would be right.


	2. two

(flashback)  
Monday Morning   
Late March 2018   
Jilin City, China   
The Huang's Kitchen

"CHENLE!!!"

Renjun called for the sixth time, finally hearing the familiar voice of his highly cranky younger brother on an early school morning, 

"Shhhhh... why do you have to yell?" 

With his eyes still closed and loud trudging feet, Chenle Huang somehow made his way down the stairs from his bedroom on the second floor and into the kitchen. 

Renjun was of course standing there, showered, fully dressed, after a night of studying hard and finishing up his art portfolio for school, hovered over the stove and adding the egg on top of their hot rice porridge.   
The same way he's done it every morning since they were kids. 

"Just go. Get changed and brush your teeth, we have like 5 minutes..."

Renjun nagged to him like this every morning. 

It's hard getting a 16 year old boy up, fed, and out of the house in time for school. 

... you stink by the way." He added. 

Chenle shot him a dirty look with all the energy his tired face could muster up as he slowly but surely found his way to the bathroom.

In about 3 minutes, Renjun watched his bouncing bleached head make it back downstairs. Looking at least a little more presentable than before. 

He tried putting his backpack and shoes on while simultaneously being force fed spoonfuls of breakfast by his older brother. 

"ok! OK! I ate." He said without having yet chewed any of what he was just given. 

"Fine... have you seen the car keys?" Renjun asked, searching through his black backpack.

"Hmm no? Where did you set them when you got home.... Renjun...

... Renjun..?" 

When Chenle looked up from the drawer he was searching in, Renjun was smiling down at his phone. 

Completely oblivious to his brother ACTUALLY trying to help him for once. 

Chenle immediately found the keys in the top drawer and dangled them in front of Renjun's face.

"Oh! Thanks!" 

Renjun quickly grabbed them, the smile still on his face, and headed out the door.

Chenle followed him after he rolled his eyes, locking the door behind him.

He opened the passenger door of his brother's car only for Renjun to quickly shut him down.   
"Nope, sorry. We're picking Sicheng up. Backseat." 

Chenle rolled his eyes once more and got in the back like it was some kind of taxi. 

Just a few blocks down the road and Renjun and a still cranky Chenle were sat outside Sicheng's house waiting for him. 

Dong Sicheng was Renjun's boyfriend of 2 years. 

He was another star student like Renjun, which made friendly competition a huge part of their relationship. 

They were both super ambitious, hardworking, and brilliant. Sicheng was a good match for Renjun in that way.

Neither of them were ridiculously popular or anything.   
Well, Renjun wasn't.   
But Sicheng took care of him in that way. 

He got Renjun signed up for ballet classes, which he still goes to and loves, and Renjun signed Sicheng up for art classes.   
Of course, he quit that almost immediately on account of him being practically unteachable in the fine art department. 

They always held each other accountable on big school projects, exams, and homework assignments.   
If Renjun wasn't already a perfectionist, he sure became one after meeting Sicheng. 

They were an unexpected match for each other at first.   
It's possible that because of that, they had their bumps in the road.   
As any high school couple tends to. 

Renjun, the small, quiet, art boy genius who barely lifted his head from his desk.   
Sicheng, the mathlete who was also widely recognized for his beautiful Chinese traditional dance skills. The boy how was a few months older than Renjun, moved from Wenzhou to study at their high school which was a prestigious "key school" in the country.   
He also had his pick of any guy or girl in the school. He was beautiful, tall, and mysterious. 

Everyone wanted him.

Renjun was beautiful too, he just lacked the confidence and attention for anyone to notice.   
Until Sicheng seemed to. 

Now for the bump, no one could know that.   
Sicheng wasn't out to anyone in their school. 

He couldn't be outed to his parents so he made Renjun swear that anything that happened between them was kept under wraps. 

From the outside, people just thought Renjun was some little guy Sicheng took under his wing. Of course, Renjun knows this. 

He still feels like he has to privately fight for his boyfriend's attention from time to time, especially considering Sicheng's history of having a wandering eye.   
If Renjun wasn't so in love with him, he'd notice it more often. 

Even when he does though, he can't get himself to stand up for himself. He's never been one to back out of an argument, but it's different with Sicheng.   
He's almost too intimidated 

Now that they're both reaching the end of their senior years of high school, they're both applying for a ton of colleges, programs, and scholarships.   
Renjun secretly hopes they end up in the same program at the same university. 

Sicheng hasn't exactly expressed the same wish yet to his boyfriend, Renjun just kind of guesses that he feels the same.

Some of the programs they both applied only are accepting one recipient.   
Sicheng joined one of the single recipient programs that Renjun was most excited about.

Renjun was a little nervous when he heard his boyfriend wanted to sign up as well.   
When he asked Sicheng if he was worried about them fighting for the same spot, the older boy coldly replied,

"May the better student win."


	3. three

(continued flashback: four months later)  
Friday Night  
August 2018  
Jilin, City  
Huang Renjun’s Bedroom 

Renjun stared blankly at an air bubble under the wallpaper of his bedroom.  
That bubble had been there since he was little.  
He tried pressing it flat several times before but it always reappeared hours later.  
Every so often he would walk by it and try to push it, maybe poke a hole in it with his fingernail.  
He had forgotten it was there until this summer. 

He spent the majority of the past 3 months after graduation in this very room. Waiting.

Sicheng got accepted into Renjun’s dream summer program. The single-recipient program that they both applied for. 

The program was to award the top applicant with an all expenses paid summer study program in Japan. 

He left on April 28th.  
That was the last time he heard from him.  
Sicheng didn’t reply to any messages his boyfriend sent him over the entire 3 months and 1 week that he had been gone.  
It wasn’t a connection problem or anything like that, it was Sicheng’s choice. 

A really fucking painful one for Renjun. 

He didn’t find out until their mutual friend, Dejun (who also applied for the program), asked if Sicheng sent him better pictures of his Mt Fuji excursion than the ones he sent to Dejun. 

He waited.  
Contemplated every last thing he might have ever said or did that could have pushed his boyfriend away.  
He spent 3 months and 1 week being shut out. He remained in a state of fogginess and confusion throughout it all. 

Every rotation of the sun was another reminder of the distance his boyfriend, to whom he had given all his trust and love to for the past 2 years, willingly created between them. 

Today was the day Sicheng was supposed to return home to China.  
Dejun advised Renjun to keep his phone by him. No further explanation.

Renjun stared out of focus at that stupid bubble under his wallpaper until the sound of his grumbling stomach snapped him out of it.  
He forgot to eat today. He’s not sure he could stomach it anyway.  
He went so long without blinking that his contacts almost dried up and it stung to finally close his eyes.  
His finger nails had been bitten down to their limits. 

6 hours passed since his flight had supposedly landed.  
He waited.  
Still.  
Praying that it was all a misunderstanding.

At 3:38am he was jolted awake by a ping on his phone. He didn’t know he fell asleep. 

sichengi💘: Are you awake?

renjun: yeah where are you? did you land okay?

sichengi💘: Renjun can i call you rn?

renjun: sure

As soon as he sent his reply, Sicheng’s contact picture lit up the younger boys dark bedroom.  
His hands trembled and his throat began to close. 

“Renjun” 

“Hi. Sicheng... i.. gosh.. I have so many questions.. I guess.” His voice pitifully bright.

The silence made Renjun feel like he couldn’t so much as breathe.

“I’m sure you do. Maybe I should just tell you what’s going on for me. In my life. That might be easier.”

He sounded so bored.  
This was a chore for him. 

“Yeah..” the noise barely passed his lips. His face burned. His throat was now stinging.

“I met someone. He’s a student here. His name is Yuta, he plays soccer. He showed me a lot. About who I am and stuff.” 

There was another moment of silence after that. 

He continued, 

“I knew we weren’t going to last. You were my secret. Maybe I led you on too long. I did love you. At some point. I don’t know when. It’s been a while, Renjun.” 

Renjun’s face was smushed against his pillow. Two dark puddles on the grey case. The puddles were warm but they felt cool against his even hotter cheeks. 

“You still there?” The sound of his voice suddenly louder, ringing in the boys ears. 

“Why?”

“Huh? You’re muffled, Renjun.”

“Why?” He repeated, this time flipping onto his back. The tears now filling the curvatures of his ears like moats. 

“Why didn’t you break up with me before you left? Why did you leave me hanging? I waited.” 

Renjun had come out of his body at this point. He felt as if he was watching himself from someone else’s perspective.  
He looked pathetic. 

“I don’t know. I guess I just knew you would be there when I returned. It seemed safe. I didn’t know I’d end up falling for someone here. Then, it was too late.”

“Hm” 

“This is probably where I say I’m sorry. Hope you find someone too...  
.. Renjun?”

“Hm”

“Do well. You’re a smart kid.”

Renjun didn’t know how many minutes he had been listening to the disconnect tone.  
It started to feel like white noise. 

He had no idea when the other boy on the line had hung up. 

He laid there until the sun came up and the bubble under his wallpaper was visible again in the morning light. 

...

He was still set up to go to the university he got into with Sicheng.  
It had been 2 weeks since the call and school started in 3 days.  
Dejun informed Renjun that Sicheng declined the offer and decided to study in Japan for the year. 

Renjun had no intention of trying his usual best this semester.  
He could hardly get himself to wash up. 

Ever since he had to raise Chenle, when his mom was struggling to do it herself and maintain her full time job, Renjun had to become independent early. 

His brother, who was only two grades below him, became someone who had to rely on him. 

The lack of Renjun’s own ability to depend on someone fully made it nearly impossible for him to not give every last bit of himself to the first person who seemed willing to receive it. 

That was Sicheng. 

Renjun let himself live off of his partner.  
For two years.  
The moment he realized it was an illusion, he fell through. No longer able to remember the person he was before.  
He became a shell. A hollow shell.

...

For the rest of his first year at university, he lost interest in his studies, in his health, or doing anything that required him to get out of bed. 

His naturally lazier younger brother and he spent their days snacking, procrastinating, and playing games.  
But even Chenle did more school work than Renjun.  
Sometimes even unsuccessfully trying to encourage his older brother to study with him. 

So the sight his mother walked into on that Friday evening in April 2019, was nothing less than a common one. 

Renjun still lay with his forearms draped over his eyes, back flat against his bed. His brother and mom both disappointed at him. 

He wished he could reassure them, 

no one was more disappointed than himself.


	4. four

(back to present day)   
Saturday Morning   
Late April 2019   
Jilin City, China   
The Huang's House 

Renjun's eyes finally fluttered open even though his mind had been awake for quite a while now. 

He rolled over to check the time on his phone:   
_10:26 am_   
_Saturday_

He breathed out a sigh of relief to see that it was the weekend.   
Not that it would make a difference for him since he's treated every day for the past year as a rest day.   
He's mostly relieved to have his mom and little brother around.   
When they're off doing their work and school throughout the weekdays, he gets lonely. When he's lonely, he thinks too much.   
Too much about nothing. Too much about everything.   
He doesn't ever tell them, but he's so grateful to have them. 

He smiled into the ray of sunlight peeking through the thin opening of his heavy curtains. Hair disheveled and his hoodie twisted almost 90 degrees around his thin frame. His comforter and one of his pillows on the floor of his cluttered room.   
His room can always be found strewn with dishes, empty bottles of his favorite lemon iced tea, dirty clothes, and lots of books. 

Just as he was about to drift back off to sleep from the warm sunlight hitting his tired face, the sound of pots and pans being taken out and his mom laughing hard at Chenle's hilarious dream that he was dramatically reenacting for her could be heard from the kitchen.   
The usual comfortable commotion of a weekend morning at the Huang's residence. 

That was all it took to get Renjun up and out of the spot on his mattress that has more or less become a divot in the shape of his body from all the long days and nights he's spent there. 

"Good morning, baby!" His mom said before she gave the 19 year old boy a warm smile while trying to smooth his hair down, cupping his face in both hands, and kissing his forehead.

"Morning." he replied, taking a seat next to his little brother at the kitchen table. 

"So, now that Renjun's finally up. Today is a big day, guys."   
They groaned. Just imagining having to change out of their pajamas and do more than play video games on a Saturday.   
"Oh come on.. it's not so bad. We just have to visit grandma, say goodbye, clean up the house, and start packing." She said with a 'Suprise!' expression and jazz hands.   
Earning no more than a "hm?" from her two half awake sons. 

"Hello! I SAID 'visit grandma, say goodbye, clean up the house, and start packing.'" 

..... still nothing.   
"We're moving..." she said plainly, retiring the dramatics for now until they aren't still asleep.

It took a couple of minutes until Chenle finally spoke up. 

"Wait.. what? Did you say we're moving?" 

"Yep!" She replied, smiling over the pot of stew she had been stirring. 

"When?" Chenle was not feeling as smiley. 

"Well, our plane leaves tomorrow night." 

"Plane? We're not just moving houses?" Renjun chimed in, finally giving the conversation his attention.   
Mrs. Huang sensed their confusion and frustration. She turned the stove down to a simmer, sitting herself across from her sons who both looked at her under slightly furrowed brows. 

"I got a call last night from work. They said since I'm the only employee in my department who travels 2 hours from Jilin and because of that I can speak some Korean, they want me to transfer immediately to their branch in South Korea that's been struggling. That means living there indefinitely." 

"And you just agreed?" 

"Well yeah, Chenle honey. It's a great opportun-"   
"Without asking us first?" He interjected again, standing up. 

Renjun grabbed his younger brother's sleeve to keep him where he was.   
Renjun had questions too though, "Are they giving you extra pay? You've been their longest and most loyal employee for 15 years and they're shipping you off? Tell me they gave you incentives." 

"They did. I'm getting a bonus, they're paying for our flights, and helping us with a portion of the housing cost in Korea. I wouldn't have uprooted you guys for no reason." 

"Huh?! And that's good enough reason for you? I'm gonna be starting my senior year next fall! Who moves to a different country for their senior year of high school?! I've made all my friends and memories and plans HERE."   
Chenle was beyond upset. He yanked his sleeve from Renjun's grip and started his way back to his bedroom to protest.   
Mrs. Huang looked defeated, she had no idea it would be this bad of news.   
"Chenle, come on-" Renjun called out before his younger brother reached the top step. 

"No!" He replied back, turning around to face the two still sat at the kitchen table.   
He continued, "You don't understand, Renjun. You have nothing here, you have no one. Of course you don't mind leaving, you can lay in a bed doing nothing all day in any country. I get it, you gave up on life a long time ago! Well I didn't. I happen to like my life... HERE in CHINA!" and with that, his bedroom door slammed behind him. 

_Ouch._

"He didn't mean that, Junnie." She grabbed her eldest sons hand. 

"No.. he did." he looked down, tears welling on his bottom lash line. "It's okay. I guess it's true." 

The whole house was eerily silent for a good five minutes.   
His mom stood up, having forgotten the stew was still simmering and gave it another stir. 

Renjun still sat in the same chair, his head hung low.   
Thinking.   
_I know he's right. I'm such a lump. He's right. That's why it doesn't feel like I'm being uprooted. I have no roots here. Not anymore. I have no one and nothing. He's right._

"Renjunnie. Look at me." His mom interrupted his painful thoughts.   
She was sat back across from him, holding his one hand in both of hers, "I know it was bad of me to accept the transfer without consulting you two. But you know what? Actually, when they offered it to me, you were the first thing to cross my mind that led me to say yes." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah! Just imagining you having a fresh start. Somewhere new, new people, new chances. I think this is exactly what you need. You have a lot of reasons to hate it here, I know. Maybe you just need a new beginning. Don't you think?" She said with the most careful and genuine smile. 

"I think so. I don't know. I'm worried that this is just me now." 

"Junnie. This isn't you. This is you with a bunch of bad memories and no direction piled on your chest. I know who you are...   
You're a smart kid." 

_Ugh. Those wore the last words Sicheng said to me._   
_Fuck._

"Are you okay, baby? What's wrong?"   
He didn't notice he started crying after hearing that. 

_WHY is it still him that's making me like this?_

That was all the evidence he needed to know that it was the right decision to move on and do something different with his life.   
Without answering his mom, he got up from his spot, and gave her the tightest hug he possibly could. 

He whispered into the hug, "Thank you, mom. I won't let you down again. I promise." 

A few hours later, Renjun decided he needed to be the big brother and check up on Chenle even though he was hurt by him.   
He knocked on his door.   
"Who is it?" 

"It's Renjun." 

"..... come in" 

Chenle was freshly showered, throwing away some of the things he hadn't touched since he was a kid into a big garbage bag. 

"So.. you're actually starting to pack up? I thought we were gonna have to pry you from the house." He tried to joke to lighten the thick tension in the room.   
With no luck and no reaction, he just laid back on his younger brothers soft bed closing his eyes, thinking about how it would be the last time he looks up at this ceiling. 

He felt the right side of his body sink as his brother had taken the spot next to him on top of the old comforter.   
"I'm sorry about what I said earlier." 

"It's okay. You weren't wrong. It just hurt a little." 

"Yeah. I hate that." 

"What?" He asked, finally opening his eyes and looking at Chenle's profile. There was a tear rolling down his cheekbone. 

"I hate that I hurt you. That's all anyone does is hurt you. Even you hurt yourself." 

"Chenle... it's fine. You of all people are one of the ones who's kept me from hitting rock bottom."

There was a comfortable pause.   
Chenle finally looked at Renjun, an evil little smile forming on his lips, "Geez. You mean this isn't your rock bottom?" He said, not losing a chance to poke at his older brother.   
Renjun couldn't help but laugh and started hitting his brother.   
They fought and laughed 'til their tummies ached. 

After making amends with his younger brother and pinky-promising that they make this new transition easy for themselves and their mom, Renjun made his way back into his own bedroom. He used all the motivation he had to finally pick up his room. Tossing all the wrappers and bottles he found around his room into the trash bag.   
As he was about to toss the pile of tissues that have collected under his bed, (for... various reasons... heh) he stumbled upon a strip of photo booth pictures of him and Sicheng.   
Staring at the photos and analyzing their faces, he could feel the kiss on his cheek that was planted on him in the fourth frame... one and a half years ago. 

Before he could linger on the feeling, the strip of photos was laying among the trash in the big garbage bag he was holding. 

_'Hope you find someone too.'_   
He could hear Sicheng's words from their last phone call. 

"I hope I find someone, too. Soon." He finally replied aloud in his empty bedroom. 

He didn't realize yet, how soon that would actually be.


	5. five

Monday Morning   
Mid June 2019   
Northern Seoul, South Korea   
The Huang's New House 

Renjun woke up from the sound of his third alarm. He wasn't used to having to wake up against his own will.   
As he was reaching to snooze it once again, his mom knocked on his door. 

"Renjun sweetie, I'm headed off to work. How are you? Are you excited?" She asked, sitting on the edge of his bed and running her hand through his mess of hair. 

"I'm nervous."   
It was the first day of his new summer job. He and Chenle haven't really branched out or even left the house yet.   
They've been there for two weeks now and Renjun's been searching for a job and even applied to a community college near the house.   
He scored a job at a Baskin Robbins that he can walk to. Not exactly the aesthetically pleasing, quaint and mysterious old book store he secretly dreamed of working in... but hey, discounted ice cream is a pretty good trade. 

"I get it. I was nervous for my first day too last week. But I promise, good things are coming. I can feel it." She kissed the crown of his head and left for her own work day. 

_I sure hope so._

He was snapped out of his worries by the sound of his alarm ringing, forgetting that he snoozed it once again.   
He finally got up and ready for work.   
As he stood in front of his full length mirror, tightening his tie. He paused.   
This month marks a year since he last got ready for anything.   
A year since he was left hanging. 

_Who knew one year later I'd be in a different country, applying to a new school, starting a new job? Recovering..._  
 _This is the fresh start I've been wanting... I guess. Ugh._

On the walk to his new work place, he admired the tall green trees surrounding him. He could see mountains in the distance. The sun was still rising and the morning air was surprisingly cool for June.   
The new place they called home was about 30km north of Seoul. It was a more natural and less crowded city, flushed with greenery and big open skies, but it wasn't too country either, it had all you could ever need. 

As he neared the ice cream shop, the man who he met a few days ago for his interview was outside sweeping.   
"Mr. Huang! Just the man I wanted to see, and right on time too." He excitedly said, shaking the younger boys hand. "You dressed a little fancy, though."   
Renjun looked down at his dress shirt and tie.   
"Sorry, I didn't know what to wear." 

"I like it! You like to make a good impression, that's good. We have our own work uniforms here, though. There's a small sized one in a plastic bag in the employees closet. Go ahead and get changed. We open in 15." He patted Renjun on the back before continuing to sweep and singing a beautiful tune under his breath. 

He's a bright and kind man. Not much older than Renjun himself. His name is Moon Taeil, the brilliant top graduate of Hanyang University in Seoul, who frequently worked as a manager at his family's Baskin Robbins shop in this little Northern town. 

Renjun found his way to the employees closet and started to undo the tie he (struggled to) put on just 20 minutes ago.   
As he was unbuttoning his top shirt button, the door flew open. 

"AHH!!"   
"AAAHH!!!" 

He stood there with this hand over his chest, steadying his breath.   
"You scared me..." 

"YOU scared ME!" 

He stopped to look at the boy standing in front of him. He looked about his age. He had a kind of curly head of warm chestnut hair, sparkly brown eyes, tan skin, with a couple of freckles on one cheek, and a little baby bear nose.   
"Who are you?" 

"Renjun. I'm new." 

"I'm Donghyuck." He extended his right hand for a shake. "Did you really wear a tie to work?" 

Renjun nodded, accepting the handshake. 

_Is it that strange?_

"That's cute." Donghyuck mumbled with a smirk on his lips. Turning around and leaving to prep for the day after setting his bag down in the closet. 

Renjun finished changing as he felt his cheeks getting hotter and hotter remembering the last words he heard.   
_Geez. Is it just stuffy in this closet or what?_

The rest of Renjun's first day was spent with minimal customers and Taeil showing him the ropes. Telling him what goes where, explaining the register, how to make a sundae, everything.   
He was doing his best following the instructions clearly from his new boss. Taking mental notes and taste testing all the flavors.   
His concentration was wavering every time he felt the presence of a pair of eyes on him that belonged to his new coworker. 

The evening was growing later. A small group of customers finally came in to round out this super slow work day, causing all three of the workers to start asking for orders.

"I'll take two scoops of Chocolate Forest in a cup." One of the teen girls yelled over the counter to Renjun. 

_Two scoops of Chocolate Forest. Chocolate Forest. Two scoops. You got this, Renjun... where the hell is the Chocolate Forest flavor?_

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his lower back and someone leaning over him with practically their entire body.   
"Excuse my reach." Donghyuck whispered into Renjun's ear while grabbing a scoop for his own customer.   
Renjun was frozen there. 

"Twinberry Cheesecake in a cone. Here you go, sweetheart." Donghyuck called out to one of the other girls in the group. 

Donghyuck whispered again, pointing to the flavor Renjun couldn't find and handing him a cup, "Hey, Chocolate Forest is right there." 

"Oh.. Thanks.."   
There he goes again. Cheeks heating up like crazy.   
No stuffy closet to blame. In fact, this time he's standing over a freezer full of buckets of ice cream. So it really must be because of this guy. 

Once the group of girls all left, Donghyuck turned to their boss, "Alright, that was probably the only rush hour we're getting for the rest of the night, Taeilah." 

_Taeilah? They must be really close._

"Your point is?" Taeil replied with a flick to Donghyuck's forehead. 

"Lemme go hommmeeeee..." the younger boy cutely begged while hanging on his boss. 

"Fine. I don't want to have to pay you any longer today."   
This earned him a big hug and a million 'thank yous' a minute from his employee who just as quickly ran to grab his bag from the closet.   
Taeil turned to Renjun, "You can go too. You walked here right?" 

"Yeah, I live close." 

"The sun's almost totally set, can you not get a ride?" 

"I can take him home."   
Renjun turned to see that it was his new coworker who made this suggestion. 

"Oh no, it's really fine guys. I can walk." 

"You're house is probably on the way then. Let's go." 

Renjun turned to see that Taeil seemed to be glad about the suggestion. He trusts Taeil's judgment at least. 

"Okay."   
_Shit. Why am I agreeing to this? I don't even know this guy._

"Alright. You all buckled?" 

"Mhm" 

"You did pretty alright there today, little Renjun. You just gotta get a hang of where all the flavors are." 

"Little Renjun? I'm probably older than you." 

"June 2000" 

"March 2000... little Donghyuck." 

"Cute. I stand corrected." He giggled. 

_Cute? Again?_

There's was a lull in the conversation and Renjun decided to take this time to feed his curiosities about this new guy. 

"So.. how long have you worked for Taeil?" 

"Ever since I moved here for college. So, it's almost been a year. I moved here from Jeju after high school and got my own apartment near the college here. I started working for him really as soon as I got up here."   
As he talked, Renjun watched him carefully. It was dark outside and his delicate features were lit up by only the blue buttons of his dashboard radio. 

"What's your story? I've never seen you around before today." Donghyuck followed up. 

"That's because I just moved here from China. Literally 2 weeks ago. My mom got transferred here for work. I just barely settled in here, got this job, and now I'm waiting for an acceptance letter from the same college you attend actually." 

"Wait.. China? You're Chinese? I seriously thought you were Korean. You speak really well." 

"Thanks, yeah. It's because of the city I'm from. Super common to learn Korean too." 

"That's adorable." 

_Now I'm adorable? Man, this guys a flirt._

"I guess so. Jeju is pretty nice, I've heard. What made you leave?" 

"Running away from ~the past~ isn't that what we all do? Ex-friendships, ex-boyfriends, bad habits. You know?" He vaguely explained, looking at the boy in his passenger seat who was already looking at him. 

_Ex.. boyfriends?_   
"I do know, actually. All too well." Renjun answered. 

When Renjun turned his attention back to the road in front of Donghyucks car, he realized how long they'd been driving.   
"Shit. We passed my house a long time ago." 

"I figured that a couple miles back since you said you lived close. You never told me where, though." Donghyuck said, laughing at the situation trying to figure out where they ended up.

"Sorry." 

"Don't be. I didn't really wanna stop the conversation either." 

_Oh._

Donghyuck continued, "Well, it's not THAT late but I'm sure you wanna get back home and get some dinner." 

"We don't have to rush." 

_What am I doing?_

"Huh. Well, in that case, there's actually a chicken stand around the corner here and a nice lookout up on the hill behind it." Donghyuck suggested. 

"Sounds nice." 

_Huang Renjun. You're in trouble._

Donghyuck paid for the box of chicken and two sprites. A welcoming gift, he called it. They made their way on foot up the hill behind the chicken stand. From the top, you could see a good amount of the quiet town Renjun's just getting to know.   
They sat there talking about school, memories of childhood summers, Renjun explained his fascination with the night sky, Donghyuck told him about the night he got lost alone at sea at the ripe age of 8, thus creating his fear of boats.   
They laughed and enjoyed each other's new found company over their 12 piece box of chicken. 

"Have you met anyone here? I'm kind of anxious to meet people at school." Renjun confessed. 

"Not really. Not because there's no one nice at school. I just was super holed up last year. I hardly met anyone or even paid anyone any attention. It's weird being the new kid in this town. Apparently not many people come in or out of here." 

"That's... comforting?" Renjun felt more nervous already. 

"No no, listen. You've got me. Don't worry. You won't be alone at least. Next year I actually want to branch out. We can do that together right?" Donghyuck reassured him, throwing an arm over Renjun's shoulder.   
It was meant as a kind gesture but just made Renjun's cheeks burn up for the third time that day. Their faces were a lot closer than before. 

Regardless, Donghyuck continued, "I did happen to see some hot guys at school last year, so we have that to look forward to! There're probably cute girls there for you too." 

_Is he testing me? Does he want me to come out to him or something?_

"Oh.. good." 

"Which part?" 

_He IS testing me._

"All of it, I guess." Renjun shyly answered. 

Donghyuck raised his eyebrow with a cheeky little grin, "I like how you think, Huang." 

Renjun grabbed his empty bottle of Sprite, desperately wishing there was just a few more drops in it to cool himself down. 

"You want the rest of mine?" 

Renjun nodded, "Thanks."   
Donghyuck watched Renjun's lips wrap around his bottle of sprite in the perfect pout. He looked so pretty even in the dark of night.   
"What exactly were you running away from?" 

Renjun nearly choked on the soda at the sudden interrogation. 

_Oh god.._  
"What?" 

"Well, you said you know 'all too well' what I meant when I told you I came here to get away from things. What were you getting away from in China?" 

_Fuck it, I guess._

"Ex-bo... uh relationship.. it was long and drawn out and apparently unreciprocated, ended with me technically getting cheated on with some Japan soccer player guy. Not to mention, it had to be a secret for 2 years. Just a mess." 

"Damn. Sorry about that, Renjunnie." 

_Renjunnie?_

His grip on Renjun's shoulder tightened.

"Yeah, it's fine. New beginnings. That's what everyone's telling me." Renjun quickly said, trying to end the topic. 

"My story isn't terribly different. Looks like we both need the same medicine anyway." 

"What would that be?" 

Donghyuck looked intently at Renjun, "Finding someone new." 

The boys continued their summer just like that:  
Renjun getting rides to and from work with Donghyuck everyday, getting used to his flirting along the way, racking up the money and hours at the ice cream shop, then spending after work hours either exploring the town or watching movies at Donghyuck's apartment.   
Sleepovers... and kisses.   
You'd think this was the start of a budding new relationship for Renjun.   
But he knew it wasn't.   
He had fun with him, but with the end of summer just a week away now... 

he sensed the end of their summer fling nearing too


	6. six

Friday Afternoon   
Late August 2019   
Northern Seoul, South Korea   
The Huang's Living Room 

"Mom! I'm home." Chenle yelled out, throwing his backpack next to the front door. 

"She's not home yet. She's at the store." Renjun replied instead. 

Following the voice, Chenle waddled into the living room, "Oh shit. You don't work today, ge?"

Renjun shook his head no, too distracted by whatever was on the TV to see the nearly 6 foot tall teenager awkwardly standing behind his little brother. 

"Oh yeah. Renjun, this is Jisung. I met him at school this week." 

Chenle's high school started a week earlier than Renjun's college.   
He finally looked up. The new younger boy was playing with his fingers, looking anywhere but Renjun. 

"Hey, Jisung." He said, standing up and turning off the TV. 

"Hi." Jisung barely vocalized, nervously playing with his fringe and sideburns. 

"We're hungry, ge. Make us food." Chenle basically demanded, earning a little punch on the arm from Jisung who felt exposed by his new friend. 

"What do you guys want?" 

"Do we still have that Rabokki stuff?"   
Jisung instantly let out a noise that suggested he wanted some and excitedly nodded his head in tiny and Renjun couldn't help but giggle at how cute this giant baby standing in his kitchen was. Neither could Chenle.   
As he waited for the water to boil, Renjun decided to ask how their first week of senior year was. He mentioned to Jisung how it was his last weekend of summer and he'd be starting at college on Monday. 

"Oh.. do you mean the college that's like a mile from here?" Jisung asked.

"Yeah. You know much about it?" 

"Not a whole lot, but pretty much everyone who grows up here ends up going there. My brother goes there too."   
"Oh cool." He replied, washing the rice cakes in the sink. "What year is he starting this semester?" 

"His second year." 

"Really? So am I... I wonder if I'll meet him." 

"Maybe!" He said tapping the tips of his spider fingers together in little excited claps. "His name is Jaemin." 

"Jaemin, I'll have to remember that." He doubts he will, he's bad with names. 

"Yeah! He's pretty cool. A little weird, but you learn to love it. He has two best friends and they've all been attached at the hip for years."   
Renjun listened to Jisung gush about his older brother and wondered what Chenle would say about him. Probably nothing good. 

As Renjun emptied the sauce packet into the pot, Chenle finally chimed in, "Do you work tomorrow?" 

"Only for the morning shift, why?" 

"Maybe we can hang out at Jisung's tomorrow night. You can get a head start on making friends for the school year." 

_Since when has Chenle cared about me making friends? He has to have something up his sleeve._

"Sure. I can ask Donghyuck to take me after work." 

"Who's Donghyuck?" Jisung loudly whispered to Chenle. 

"His boyfriend~" Chenle loudly whispered back. 

"NO he's not." Renjun corrected, placing the boiling pot of Rabokki in the center of the table along with three sets of chopsticks. 

"What is he then?!" 

"I don't know! He's just... a friend? A boy that's a friend. I don't even know if I like him like that. Or if he likes me like that. I think he's just overly flirtatious."   
It seemed like Renjun was less trying to convince the two boys in front of him, and more trying to explain it to himself. 

"That's not what it looked like when I saw him kiss you goodbye last week." 

"Oooo" Jisung shyly added to the back and forth between the Huang brothers. 

"Chenle! Listen, I don't know. It's weird. We don't think. We just... do it." 

"You DO IT?!" 

"CHENLE NO. I mean kiss. And flirt. It just.. happens. I don't know. God, this is so embarrassing." 

"Why don't you just tell him off?" Jisung suggested still chewing, fully invested in the drama. 

"Well... I don't know. He's a cute guy, kissing is fun, and I haven't met anyone yet who's ACTUALLY peaked my interest. I know he feels the exact same way. So, we're just kinda waiting it out until we don't want to do it anymore. You know?" 

"Wow." The younger two nodded. Lowkey interested in the romantic happenings of college boys. 

"Well, ge. You never know who you could meet at school. The answer could be right around the corner. Who knows?... you might meet the perfect match tomorrow!" Chenle closed the statement, with an eyebrow wiggle. 

_Is this the something he has up his sleeve? I know him too well._

Jisung was so enamored by the already almost empty pot of food in front of him that he didn't noticed the mini glare-off between the two brothers. 

"Hi boys! Who's hungry?" Mrs. Huang called out, entering the kitchen with a couple bags of ingredients for their dinner. 

"Me..." Jisung quietly raised his hand. Shooting his new friend's mom the world's cutest smile. Making all three of them coo. 

"Mom, this is Jisung." 

"Jisung, I love you already." Mrs. Huang proclaimed, with a pinch of his cheek. 

Renjun watched how fondly his younger brother looked at his new school friend. He couldn't help but notice Chenle's eyes sparkle before the tall 17 year old. 

_If this brother of Jisung's is any bit as easy to love as he is, he's gonna be hard for me to forget._


	7. seven

Saturday Midday  
Late August 2019  
Northern Seoul, South Korea  
Baskin Robbins 

"No problem! Have a good day." 

The air conditioning in the shop today could not be blasting any harder. After checking out the latest customer, Renjun tried to escape to the restroom for the 9th time in the last hour to dab his face off with a cool wet paper towel.  
Before he could make it, Taeil called to him, "Renjun! Why don't you take your lunch break now? Grab a scoop of your favorite flavor on the house." 

Renjun agreed and scooped a cup of the Musk Melon flavor for himself. 

Donghyuck was taking his turn organizing the freezer room today. 

_Of course he winds up having his turn in the freezer on the hottest day of the year.... lucky bitch._

"Let me grab Donghyuck too for his break." Taeil remembered, "Hey, wait... before I do. Did he make it official yet?" Taeil cheekily inquired to Renjun. 

"HUH?!" His mouth still full of the icy melon goodness, "Who? Make what official?" 

"Ah... ok.. be right back." 

About 45 seconds passed since Taeil disappeared into the freezer to go 'retrieve Donghyuck for lunch'... 

"YA!!"  
Renjun heard the muffled scolding from Donghyuck aimed at Taeil who apparently has a big mouth. 

_He better not be talking about what I think he's talking about... I thought we had some sort of unspoken agreement..._

Before Renjun could finish panicking, his two coworkers exited the freezer room as if nothing happened. Taeil cleared his throat, "Donghyuckie, grab some ice cream for yourself and take 30 minutes." 

Renjun felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. 

lele 👹: ge  
lele 👹: ge  
lele 👹: renjun ge  
lele 👹: hello where are you?  
lele 👹: ge 

renjun: SHUTUP im at work

lele 👹: oh ya  
lele 👹: when are you coming  
lele 👹: hello? 

renjun: when I'm done. stop spamming. 

lele 👹: when  
lele 👹: when is that  
lele 👹: what time

renjun: idk soon hopefully 

Donghyuck pulled out the chair across from Renjun, "Who is it?" 

"Chenle's spamming me. By the way I forgot to ask you if you wanted to come meet some people after work with me." Renjun asked, now having to drink the rest of his ice cream which turned into soup in the heat. 

"Meeting people? Sounds sketchy... I mean, I'm in, but please explain." 

Renjun told Donghyuck all of what little information he had about the supposed hang out for tonight. Donghyuck was not-surprisingly super into it. Renjun knows how much more outgoing his friend is than him. Tonight could be a fun opportunity to see Donghyuck in a new element where he can flex his charms in a group of people their age.  
Renjun was actually getting excited. However, he couldn't help but remember his brothers sneaky behavior about the whole thing. 

_Is Chenle playing matchmaker or something? He must have already met this brother of Jisung's... what if he's REALLY weird and Chenle's just messing with me? Or even worse, what if he's amazing and I end up like... liking him? Or something worse than that._

"Helllooo..." Donghyuck's right hand was waving back and forth in front of Renjun's face, bringing him back to earth. "What time does it start?" 

"Oh, I mean.. I guess whenever we get there. Chenle and everyone are there now but once we get off work-" 

"Let's go now. Taeil's fine, business is slow today." 

"What? It's the hottest day of the year, people are gonna want ice cream." 

"Are you doubting our boss's skills??" Donghyuck accused, his jaw dropping dramatically and a hand clutching his heart. 

He called out, "Taeilah!!! We're leaving." 

"Where are you going?" 

"A meeting. We'll be back later. BYE!" Donghyuck unconvincingly explained while grabbing both of their belongings and dragging Renjun behind him. 

Renjun, immediately after sitting down in Donghyuck's car, flipped down the sun visor and checked himself out in the passenger mirror, "Ugh.. I look like garbage." 

"Cute garbage." 

"Still garbage... I sweat like a pig." 

"A cute pig." 

"Shut up!" Renjun shoved the driver lightly, "Can we stop at my house so I can freshen up?" 

"Oooh are you wanting to look good for these new boys? Do I have to watch out?" 

"No? Well... I don't know... even if I was why would you have to watch out?" Renjun sounded a bit too annoyed.  
He couldn't help it. He keeps thinking about that weird Taeil interaction he had about the 'official' thing. It's freaking him out. 

"Geez, Renjunnie. I don't know?" Donghyuck said putting the car into park in front of Renjun's house. "Go on, get pretty." 

10 minutes later, Renjun reappeared. Freshly washed up with a white t-shirt on and some more breathable pants. He looked cute. Renjun returned to the passenger seat, "Are you sure you don't want to stop by your place and change?" 

"It's whatever, I feel good. You're the only one with sweat issues here." He teased, earning an eye roll and a threat from the friend on his right. 

After struggling with directions because Chenle on the phone kept messing up the house numbers, Donghyuck and Renjun finally arrived at the home they were looking for.  
'나' was written on a plaque next to the door. The youngest of the Na family opened the door, showing his gummy smile, "Renjun hyung!"  
Chenle came sliding out of nowhere after hearing that, pushing the taller boy out of the door frame. "GE!! What took you so long?" 

"I don't know maybe your inability to recite house numbers?!" 

"True... Hey Donghyuck hyung." 

"Hello!!!" He replied, squeezing Chenle into a hug and shaking his whole body. They've only met a handful of times but that's just Donghyuck for you. 

"Ok ok, so the three of them are upstairs right now. Jisung and I are gonna grab snacks, you two go up and just make conversation." 

"Why are you treating this like a 007 mission?" Renjun rolled his eyes and shoved past his younger brother, dragging Donghyuck behind him. 

_Why am I so nervous? Shit. Chenle actually got me freaked out..._

Donghyuck went first, waddling up the stairs in his Baskin Robbins uniform. As Renjun followed behind he felt his chest tightening, walking in to see three of the most beautiful boys on a couch. They all looked in unison at the two newbies coming up from the foyer. 

_This looks like a Teen Vogue ad..._

One of them flashed the brightest smile Renjun's ever seen. Standing up and quirking his eyebrow, he giggled while holding out his right hand to Renjun, "You must be Chenle's older brother, I'm Jaemin. Nice to finally meet you." 

"Hi, Jaemin." Renjun had to talk slowly to make sure he didn't stutter, "Yeah. Uh I'm Renjun, this is Donghyuck. We work together." 

"Baskin Robbins?" One of the other boys said standing up and pointing to Donghyuck's uniform, "I love Baskin Robbins! I'm Mark." 

"I love Mark" Donghyuck replied, mouth hanging open, barely conscious. This earned him a LOUD laugh and a "YOOO what?" from the new boy in front of him. 

Renjun apologized to Mark, "Sorry, nevermind him. He's like that." 

Renjun glanced at the boy still sitting on the couch and realized that he was already staring at him. He stood up, walking over to Renjun (who still had his hand in Jaemin's without realizing it) and introduced himself, "I'm Lee Jeno."  
His intimidating gaze lightened into two of the softest crescent moons covered by a thick dark blanket of lashes. Renjun quickly removed his soon to be sweaty hand from Jaemin's grip and wiped it on his pant leg before Jeno grabbed it with both of his strong hands.  
Now, all five of the boys were standing up around the TV room, making awkward little introductions. 

"Chenle let us know that you two are starting your second year at our college too." Jaemin started up. 

"Yeah, it'll be Renjun's first year at our college but I was there freshman year too." 

"I knew it!" Mark interjected excitedly, "I could've sworn we had a class together last semester, you looked familiar."  
Donghyuck looked surprised and flattered that his face was memorable to this handsome boy with glasses, "What class?" 

The two of them started to engulf each other in their own side conversation about their shared class last semester and their weird professor.  
Meanwhile, Renjun was sat on the ottoman in the perfect line of site in front of Jeno and Jaemin.  
"Are you nervous?" Jeno asked, voice a little low. 

"Not that much anymore. Chenle freaked me out a little on the way here but-" 

"I mean for school on Monday.." Jeno interrupted with a giggle. 

Renjun felt his face get hot, "Oh! Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I'm a little nervous for school.. yeah. I worry that it's been too long since I last took school seriously. I don't know." 

_Am I over sharing too much? Shut up Renjun... GOD!_

Before he could keep talking, he turned to his left to see the two of them looking at him like he was a cute little nervous puppy. 

_They must pity me..._

Renjun quickly looked to Donghyuck to save him from their stare down but saw that he was deeply immersed in conversation with Mark. 

_Great._

Luckily, right in that moment, Chenle and Jisung came down with chips and drinks for all of them. Chenle came and sat next to Renjun on the ottoman after putting down the snacks.

"So," Chenle said, throwing an arm over his older brother. "have you guys gotten to know each other yet?" 

"Chenle, it's been like 3 minutes..." Renjun said, removing his brother's arm from his shoulder. 

"Honestly, I feel like I already know you.." Jeno admitted. 

"Yeah. The way Chenle talks about you, I already know how great you are." Jaemin added. 

"Woah woah woah let's not expose me." Chenle said, standing up and going to sit next to Jisung on the other side of the couch, escaping the conversation. 

_Did he really talk me up? I would've thought he would have nothing nice to say._

Renjun couldn't help but smile. It actually made it easier to talk to the two new boys he was being introduced to that day. To know that his little brother had his back. 

Renjun found more out about the three new boys. They have been neighbors and best friends since they were basically in the womb.  
Jaemin is slightly younger, an introverted Leo, very protective of the people he cares the most about, and he's almost as bad of a flirt as Donghyuck.  
Jeno is exactly a month younger than Renjun, making him a Taurus. He's super level headed and smart. He may not look like it at first by his intimidating resting face and strong boyish body, but he's literally a "cozy cuddly puppy" by Jaemin's definition.  
Mark moved to Korea from North America for high school and the three of them have been inseparable for those last 7 years. He has that boy next door vibe. Super kind and giggly. 

The 7 of them ended up watching a movie together, squished all together on a couch probably meant for 4 people. Laughing and talking into the night. Mark brought his guitar and was playing around with it, even asking Donghyuck to sing along to the songs they both knew. 

dongsookie🐻: bitch  
dongsookie🐻: renjun look at ur phone  
dongsookie🐻: RENJUFNJRBF 

renjun: what what WHY are you texting me from 3 feet away 

dongsookie🐻: help  
dongsookie🐻: this is urgent jsjcidko 

renjun: WHAT 

dongsookie🐻: he's so cute wtf do I do  
dongsookie🐻: HElp 

renjun: how do I help u 

dongsookie🐻: idk IDK  
dongsookie🐻: let me marry him 

renjun: r u ok 

dongsookie🐻: no 

renjun: stop texting me and keep talking to him then 

Renjun watched as the boy he spent his summer having mixed emotions about (kissing, cuddling, spending the majority of his hours with) was cuddling up to this new black haired boy with a guitar.  
But... he didn't care. He was happy for him. It was just a fling and Renjun is looking for something more.  
Donghyuck wasn't that something more. 

But who is?


	8. eight

Sunday Night  
Late August 2019  
Northern Seoul, South Korea  
Huang Renjun's Bedroom 

It had been just over 24 hours since Renjun met those three boys he was so anxious to get to know. He gets it now. The pressure Chenle was putting on the meetup that Renjun was so confused about. He gets why this was a bigger deal than he initially thought.  
_They're so great._  
All seven of them fit together like pieces to a jigsaw puzzle that weren't from the same box. Weren't meant to come together to create the picture they displayed when their odd curves and edges perfectly combined into a masterpiece. 

_I'm probably over thinking._

But he never felt so safe despite being in a room of 6 other boys, one that he's known since that one's birth, one that he's known for a few months, one for a few days, and three of them for a few hours.  
He felt secure, understood, intrigued, comfortable, sure of himself. He didn't feel like he had to lie about who he was, be ashamed of who he had become, he knew he could start anew and do it freely with these people surrounding him. 

They hung out at the Na residence that Saturday night until 2:30am when Mrs. Huang finally got through on Chenle's phone and asked them to come home. Renjun didn't want to say goodbye. He knows far too well about how some goodbyes might be the last.  
He especially didn't want to say goodbye to the two boys he just met who were closest to him in age and spent the whole night next to him. He was so curious about them. More than anyone else in the room.  
The two of them sat together with legs intertwined for most of the night whispering to each other. Renjun watched them carefully whenever the rest of the room had their eyes on the movie.  
Jeno's thumb gently and rhythmically grazing the top of Jaemin's hand. Jeno's hands were so beautiful.  
Their eyelashes seemed to bat in sync, blinking in what seemed like slow motion at the decently large TV screen in front of them. The darkness of the room allowed for the pixels on the screen to dance reflections into their bright eyes.  
Renjun was mesmerized whenever he stole a glance. 

Renjun was snapped out of his daydreaming and reminiscing on the night before by a couple of pings on his cellphone that lay face down on his belly.  
It was Mark texting the group chat that they all made. Jisung, Mark, Jeno, and Jaemin took Renjun's phone and made contacts for themselves before the Huang's and Donghyuck had to hurry back home. 

new fwends

Mark Lee(: : you guys im lowkey freaking about school tmrw 

Jenoyaaa💙: summer ended so fast :( 

dongsookie 🐻: it really did and all me and junnie did was work 

Nana💓: hey mark we never made up for our birthday trip getting rained out.. let's do thattttttt!!!❣️❣️❣️ 

lele 👹: birthday trip? 

jisung pwark: mark hyung and jaemin hyung's birthdays are both in august so it's been a tradition to do a trip on the weekend between their birthdays. we camp at the creek :D 

dongsookie 🐻: i like trips ;) 

Mark Lee(: : then we must. let's go next weekend to celebrate our first week of the semester finishing. 

Renjun stared at the pink and blue hearts that followed the names of the boys he couldn't get out of his mind. Watching their texts pop up was like an adrenaline rush. Imagining them both on the other side of their phones. 

_What are they doing? Are they together right now? What are they wearing? Are they sitting down? Are they in bed yet? Are they thinking of me too?_

Renjun finally chimed into the conversation. 

new fwends

renjun: how do we get there? we can't all fit in hyuck's car 

Jenoyaaa💙: mark is the proud owner of a beat up mom van hahaha he always looks like he's driving one of his kids to soccer practice. 

Nana💓: we are his kids lmfaooo 

dongsookie 🐻: cuuutttteeee omg 

Mark Lee(: : listen... it seats 7. u guys should be GRATEFUL. 

Jenoyaaa💙: yes, mother <3 

Mark Lee(: : SHUTUP HASHAGDU 

_jeno's so cute. they're all so cute. i miss them._

Just then, Renjun remembered that he's gonna see them in approximately 10 hours. He went into panic mode. 

_why am i nervous? school is literally 10 hours away.._  
Renjun thought as he was getting up to pick out an outfit for his first day of sophomore year of college. 

_ew this is too baggy  
this is too tight  
this is too lazy looking  
now i look like a try hard  
what am i, a hype beast? ugh_

Before he knew it, his bedroom floor was littered with all the clothes he owned. "CHENLE!!!" 

"whhhaaat?" Chenle uninterestedly responded from his closed bedroom across the hall. 

"COME HERE" 

"no." 

"I have something to tell you about Jisung!!!" 

Chenle opened Renjun's door in practically .5 seconds, his face showing excitement, "What about hi- ew gege... your room's a mess." 

"I know. Help me pick out an outfit for tomorrow." 

"Do you really have something to tell me about Jisung?" 

"... no." 

"you're a jerk.. this is clickbait!" the younger whined. 

"that doesn't even make sense." 

"Bye, then!" Chenle said turning around to leave his older brothers room. 

Before he could leave, Renjun tackled him to the ground and had both of Chenle's arms pinned next to his head. 

"MOM!!!" Chenle shrieked

"SHUTUP! Agree to help me and I'll let go." 

"FINE! FINE!" 

He slowly stood up letting go of Chenle who was dramatically rubbing his wrists. Earning an eye roll from Renjun. 

"Why do you need my help? You always tell me I have no style." 

"You don't. But I'm desperate." 

"Why do you care so much? Is it because you get to see your b-" 

Renjun covered Chenle's mouth before he could continue the sentence, "Just help." 

Chenle sat on his brothers bed and followed his orders of simply saying Yes or No to the various pieces of clothing Renjun showed him, whining from time to time about how he's jealous of college students who get to wear whatever they want while he only gets to wear a uniform to his new high school. 

They settled with a blue checkered knit cardigan on top of a white graphic t-shirt tucked into light blue jeans and a thin black belt.  
Even though it was hot out, Renjun heard from Donghyuck that his college keeps the air conditioning on high. He figures he can put the cardigan on or off when he needs to. 

_I feel cute. It's simple and soft and classic but not too lazy._

Chenle ended up leaving to shower and get to bed.  
As Renjun was putting the mess he made away and folding his new outfit up for tomorrow, he heard his phone buzz. He figured it was just Donghyuck so he ignored it for a few seconds. Then it buzzed again. 

_Must be the group chat then..._  
He lazily checked his phone, guessing it was Jisung and Chenle chatting nonsense. 

💛

Nana💓: i made this group chat for us :) 

Jenoyaaa💙: yay! lol renjunnie what you doooin?? 

_Oh shit_ , Renjun thought, fumbling to answer. 

💛

renjun: oh nice :) haha nothing honestly picking out an outfit for school 

Nana💓: cutie!!! did you decide yet? 

renjun: ehhh I guess 

_i definitely did but i don't want to show them what if they hate it?_

Just then, Jeno sent a mirror selfie of himself in a striped t-shirt and a jean jacket.

💛

Jenoyaaa💙: Is this good?? Kinda relaxed but still ~fashion~ 

Nana💓: STOP ur hot whatthe  
Nana💓: u know that's my favorite jacket🥺 

Jenoyaaa💙: I know haha :) I can't wear your favorite all black tight outfit so this will have to do 

Nana💓: ooooiiiii don't remind me🥵 

Renjun felt like he was intruding on something. Like being locked in a room with a lovey-dovey couple and having to just watch them swoon over each other. 

💛

Jenoyaaa💙: Do you think it's good renjunnie? 

renjun: yeah! It's great 

_he does look hot :/_

Then, Jaemin sent a full length mirror picture dressed in a fuzzy brown cardigan over a black shirt and jeans.

💛

Nana💓: I feel iffy about mine now :( 

Jenoyaaa💙: What why?? You suit anything lmao 😉 

renjun: yeah jaemin it looks nice too 

Nana💓: injunnnnaaaaa  
Nana💓: send us a selfie :( 

renjun: i put my clothes for tmrw away sorry im in pajamas 

Jenoyaaa💙: that's okay haha  
Jenoyaaa💙: send anyway 

Nana💓: please!!!! 

renjun: it's dark in my room 

Jenoyaaa💙: turn on a lamp? 

renjun: 🙄🙄🙄 

So, Renjun sent a selfie laying back on his pillow in his pale blue and white striped button-up pajama top.

💛

Nana💓: nooooo PLEASEKEI 

Jenoyaaa💙: awwww :') 

Nana💓: OUR INZUNIIXIDHDJ  
Nana💓: pls can I make this my lockscreen🥺💗💗💗 

renjun: omg NO 

Nana💓: Ok I will. 

Jenoyaaa💙: adorable hahaha get to sleep then renjunnie, we'll see you tomorrow? :) 

Renjun's cheeks were burning up and he had to open his window. He distracted himself by looking at the beautiful night above him. The stars were so bright in this countryside sky. He couldn't wait to see the stars at the creek next weekend. He couldn't wait to see them with these new boys.  
He wanted so much more time with them.  
He almost put himself to sleep on his window sill, thinking about how good these last 2 days have been and how he hopes the next week will be even better. He hasn't looked forward to seeing something or someone in so long. 

Now he's looking forward to many things... with two someone's.


	9. nine

Monday Morning   
Late August 2019   
Northern Seoul, South Korea   
Lee Donghyuck's Car 

"This is big. Baby's first time at a school in Korea." 

"Am I baby?" 

"Mhmm" Donghyuck reached over to pinch the older boy in his passenger seat's cheek. 

"Staaaahp" Renjun smacked Donghyuck's hand from his face and checked his hair in the mirror. 

"You look good" 

"Thanks.. are you excited to see Mark?" 

"What makes you say that?" Donghyuck asked, a little too seriously for Renjun's comfort. 

"Well.. I don't know. You guys seem close?" 

"Is Junnie jealous?" 

"What?" 

_Literally what?_

"I'm just teasing, it's okay if you are." Donghyuck said, poking the boy on his right. 

"Huh? But I'm not." Renjun was seriously caught of guard, "why would you even think I'm jealous?" 

"Junnie, don't get so mad." 

"I'm not!!! I'm not... i just..." 

"We're here!!! Welcome to your new school, junnieeee." Donghyuck said grabbing his bag out of the back seat. 

Renjun was still confused. 

_What does he think of me? First, Taeil spilled the beans about some confession from Donghyuck and now Hyuck's talking to me like I'm some sorry thing with a crush on him? I don't like him like that. I like him as a friend. He's cute. This summer fling thing was fun but I don't have a crush on him and I'm surely not jealous of Mark and him._

"JUNNIEEE LETS GO, PRINCESS! Do you need me to escort you out of the car?!" Donghyuck yelled, snapping Renjun out of his noisy thoughts. 

_Donghyuck is just so dense..._   
"No. I got it. My first class is like 3 hours long but I'll text you when I'm done." Renjun said to Donghyuck making sure not to look him in the eye and move quickly in front of him to his class. 

Renjun's first class was accounting. He couldn't be less excited. He's good at math but doesn't enjoy it in the slightest. The school was relatively small so each classroom had about 15-20 students maximum. Way smaller than the average college. 

Renjun was one of the last students to arrive and promptly sat in the back. He started to fill out the questionnaire on the introduction paper that the teacher had put on each of their desks. He heard a newly familiar voice, "Excuse me, sorry. Mind if I sit here? Thanks."   
He looked up to the front of the class to see the jean jacket he saw in the selfie he was sent last night. Lee Jeno sat 5 rows ahead and 3 columns to the left of Huang Renjun. He was striking up conversation with a couple of people around him that he seemed to know well. He must be somewhat popular. 

_What do I do? Do I call his name? No I shouldn't draw attention to myself on the first day. Do I throw something? No no no, I could get in trouble. Maybe I should text him. But what if he doesn't even care that we're in the same class?  
Whatever. Do it Renjun._

Renjun texted Jeno, 

renjun: hey turn around..

"Hm?!" He heard Jeno's puppy noise and saw the boy turn to his head left and right until he spotted Renjun in his cute blue cardigan, "Renjunnniee!" His eyes disappeared into happy half circles and his hand was waving enthusiastically. Renjun giggled and waved back, quickly acting busy on the questionnaire so that he could break eye contact before he started to blush. The people around Jeno were audibly confused about the new face in the back of the class. 

_Donghyuck was right. They must not ever see new faces in this town._

"Who is that?" A couple asked. 

"That's Renjun, he's from China!" Jeno tried to answer them all at once until the proffesor cut him off and began the class period.   
They did introductions and the teacher broke down the syllabus for the class and Renjun spent nearly the entire three hours looking at the back of Jeno. Occasionally, Jeno would turn around and flash a sweet smile at Renjun, as if checking up on him to see if he's okay. 

_I could stay in this uncomfortable seat all day if it meant I could look at this boy for longer._

When the class finally ended, Jeno immediately went to Renjun and sat on his desk as he was packing his bag up. "Did you eat?" 

"Yeah, I had a little breakfast this morning. Why?" Renjun tried to speak slowly and confidently, so as to not give a clue that he's flustered. 

"I'm hungry. Let's go eat." 

"I have a class in 5 minutes." 

"What class?" 

"Modern Korean Literature" 

"Jaemin's in that class! It's only 45 minutes long. I was gonna wait for him to finish anyway. Let's all go when you're out!" 

"Oh. Ok... heh." 

_I have two classes today and each of them are with Jeno and Jaemin... the universe loves me._

Jeno walked Renjun to his next class where Jaemin was waiting outside of the room on his phone. 

"Hi, you." Jeno said, letting go of Renjun and snuggling his face into Jaemin's neck, wrapping his arms loosely around the younger boy's waist. Jaemin returned the snuggle, putting his phone in his back pocket and pulling Jeno even closer.   
Once he finally noticed Renjun standing there, he lazily untangled himself. Jeno decided to back hug him instead at Jaemin's release of contact, "Injunnnieee!!! What are you doing here? OH MY GOD this is the outfit you chose? You're so cute. You win." 

"Heh thanks." 

"Renjunnie's in your class!" 

"WAAAT. We need to sit together. Cmoncmon." He said grabbing Renjun's hand and dragging him inside the classroom. But not before giving Jeno's cheeks a squeeze, "See you in 45, Nono." 

_Nono and Nana... cute._

They found a spot for two and began the lesson quickly. Renjun tried hard to pay attention but the close proximity to the boy in the fuzzy brown cardigan made his heart beat fast. He also couldn't stop thinking about the interaction between Jaemin and Jeno. 

_Are they dating? Surely someone would have told me by now... right? Chenle or Jisung should have said something if they are._

More than that, he wanted desperately to be apart of it. But did he want to be in Jaemin's position, Jeno's, his own?He didn't know. 

_Is it weird to like them both? Why do I feel jealousy towards both of them and about both of them?_

He's had multiple crushes at once before. Hasn't everyone? He liked Yukhei and Dejun at the same time but he didn't want to date both of them at once. Is that what he feels now? 

_I must just be desperate for love or something. It's been a while. This will pass, I'm sure._

The class ended quickly and Renjun realized he took zero notes.   
"Oiii Injunnie!! What were you spacing out about? You can copy my notes later." 

"Nothing." _Just you,_ "and thanks." They walked outside to find Jeno napping in the shade, waiting for the two other boys. Jaemin sweetly woke him and Jeno mumbled some excitements about finally getting to eat. The two of them walked on either side of Renjun down the street towards a vendor selling soddeok and cola.   
Renjun felt his phone vibrate. 

dongsookie 🐻: where are you? you never texted me!!!! 

renjun: oh sorry i forgot.. im going out with jeno and jaemin to eat text you later

dongsookie 🐻: kk (: 

The three boys ate and laughed about nonsense and some of the weird introductions people made in class. Renjun felt so at home. They made their way back to the school so the two could catch a ride in Mark's van and Renjun in Hyuck's car.   
Renjun was throwing garbage away when he heard Jaemin shouting, "YAAAHAHAHA". 

Renjun turned his attention to see Mark quickly pulling his swollen lips away from Donghyuck's face, who was currently pinned to the side of Mark's van. They both moved away from each other, embarrassed. Mark went to go whack Jaemin for causing a scene and Donghyuck tried his best not to make eye contact with Renjun, who had yet to see the normally confident Hyuck all flustered.   
It made Renjun smile.   
_Why can't Donghyuck see that I'm happy for him? I'm not hung up on our fling.  
Is he? Does he hope that I'm jealous?_


	10. ten

Friday Night   
Late August 2019   
Northern Seoul, South Korea   
Mark Lee's Mom Van 

The back seat of Mark's van and the beautiful scenery outside the window, mostly lit up by street lamps as the sun had already set, were the only things comforting Renjun in this moment. He was in the far back of the three-row car on the bench seat. He sat on the left of Chenle, who was currently sandwiched between him and Jisung tightly. 

Chenle whined about being the only one without a window seat, but he couldn't win against Jisung's weird yet funny excuses about why he needs a window seat. Of course, his cute begging helped Chenle give in too. Renjun's elbow was propped firmly on the cup holder, chin resting in his palm, eyes focused on the passing trees. Mark had SZA's Ctrl album on a CD and it was playing softly in the background among mumbles of conversations around him and the occasional Chenle cackles. The perfect soundtrack to the surroundings Renjun was being entranced by outside.   
He started to flutter his eyelids closed. Completely unaware of the eyes on him coming from the seat diagonally in front of him. 

The middle row of the car was occupied by Jeno and Jaemin. It was two individual bucket seats, with a gap between them to get to the far back. Jeno was currently napping, sitting in the seat directly in front of Renjun. Jaemin, however, had spent the last 10 minutes staring at Renjun. Enjoying when his beautiful face was illuminated by the warm toned spotlight of a street lamp passing by, making his face reflect onto the inside of the window.   
Jaemin watched the older boy's eyes gently close and admired every inch of his angelic profile. When Renjun's eyes were closed for long enough, Jaemin poked Jeno awake and pointed back at Renjun so Jeno could get a peek too. Jeno pouted at the precious view and clutched his heart. Chenle noticed both of the boys' looking to the back row now which made him turn his attention to his sleeping brother too. Chenle couldn't help but laugh, startling Renjun awake.   
Renjun opened his eyes to the two boys in front of him being turned towards him. His face feeling warm from the sudden attention. He promptly smacked the boy next to him on the arm for scaring him. 

Thankfully, Donghyuck from the passenger seat, spoke up at the perfect time for the awkward staring contest to end, "So, what will the sleeping arrangements be?" 

"How are they usually?" Renjun asked towards the four boys in the car who's tradition this was. 

Jisung answered, "Well we have two tents that sleep two people each. The first time, Summer 2013, it was the Na's in one and the Lee's in the other." (The Lee's obviously being Mark and Jeno, who are unrelated.) He continued, "I was too nervous to sleep without Jaemin and we only just met Mark that summer. But the last 5 times, we've been split up as Mark and I together and Jeno and Jaemin together." 

Renjun nodded, only being truly curious about the last two names. Mark asked back, looking in the rear view mirror at Renjun, "you guys brought a three person tent, right?"   
They did. At work earlier that week, Donghyuck and Renjun asked Taeil to borrow camping supplies. He luckily had a tent that fit around 3 people comfortably.   
"Yeah. So Donghyuck, it'll just be how they always arrange it and then you, me, Chenle in the three person tent. Simple." Renjun tried answering Hyuck's initial question. He watched his friend turn and pout at the driver, whispering something. Mark's reaction to the secret shown on his face. A few seconds later, Mark cleared his throat, speaking up, "Jisung, do you want to sleep in the three person instead? With the Huang's?"   
Renjun couldn't help but drop his jaw. 

_Donghyuck is such a little HOE. How could he ditch me?! God, I don't want to know what's gonna happen in that tent with Mark and Hyuck. Whatever Jisung is a better trade, anyway._

Jisung looked nervous, though. He hadn't answered yet. Maybe he caught Markhyuck's hints too and was just trying to get the nasty images out of his head. Or it could have been something else. 

"That's good, right Jisungah?" Chenle turned excitedly to the younger boy on his right. Jisung was rubbing his sweaty palms on his pants, giving a half hearted smile and nodding. He sulked the rest of the car ride, looking out his window. Chenle was a little hurt. But he tried not to overthink it. 

The drive took about 30 minutes in total. When they finally arrived, Renjun got out quickly, stretching and running towards the view, which was only visible by the moonlight at this time of night. They were up on a cliff, surrounded by a forest of tall trees. He couldn't see it in this lack of light, but a natural spring creek ran along the piece of flat ground they were going to set up on. The creek eventually drops off the cliff like a waterfall about a mile down the way. Renjun found a boulder to sit on and listened for the running water. Closing his eyes, he realized he was exhausted after the work and school week. Not to mention it was already almost 11pm. 

"Renjun ge!!! Stop slacking. Come help us set up so we can get to sleep!!!!" Chenle screeched, breaking his meditation.   
The 7 boys got the van unloaded as fast as they could. All of them scrambling to get ready for bed as soon as the tents were up. Renjun watched as Jeno and Jaemin worked so in sync. Giggling together and playfully touching each other. All while skillfully setting up their tent and it's contents. He felt jealousy. Or... something. But who was he jealous of? He didn't know. 

_They look like they really are just meant for each other._

He hadn't talked to them much since school that day. He had been getting more and more nervous as he felt his feelings growing throughout the week. At first, he felt so comfortable. Enjoying hanging out with them, secretly loving the flirty texts they'd send in their group chat. But as the week commenced, he felt his heart getting more and more involved. It scared the shit out of him. Loving again.

Jisung finally got them all set up by himself, the Huang's were pretty useless helpers, being tent-camping virgins. The three boys got comfy in their medium tent. Renjun finally felt fully ready to let his heavy eyelids close. Moments later, he was jolted awake by giggling on the other side of the tent. 

"Can't you guys be quiet?" Renjun hissed at the two 17 year old boys who were wide awake. 

"Sorry, Renjun hyung." Jisung barely got out, laughing still. 

"Go to sleep."   
They didn't. They laughed and shuffled around late talking in their own version of whispers, which weren't whispers at all, into the earlier morning. Keeping Renjun awake the entire time, who occasionally kicked or cursed at them. He desperately wished the sleeping situations were different now and couldn't help but have his mind wander around the fact that Jeno and Jaemin were sharing a tent a few feet from him. He tried to imagine what it was like in there. They were most likely sleeping soundly. Cuddled up.   
_Ouch_  
He missed them. Thinking about them until his heart settled and he somehow finally fell asleep uninterrupted.


	11. eleven

Early Saturday Morning   
Late August 2019   
Northern Seoul, South Korea   
Huang Renjun's Tent 

The bright sunlight and the loud noises of nature woke Renjun up a mere three and a half hours after he finally fell asleep. He groaned and turned, covering his head with a pillow until giving up. He left his tent, looking like a cute and tired mess. 

Mark was awake, trying to light a fire, "Junnie Junnie! Morning." waving to Renjun and giving him a sweet smile, "You're up early, it's like 6, ya know?" 

"Yeah. I'm kind of a light sleeper. Jisung was snoring and it's too bright out." 

"Sorry. He sure can snore." 

Renjun managed a smile, sitting down in a foldy chair. He finally rubbed his eyes, seeing the gorgeous view in its fully lit glory this time. The ground had a light dew on it. The trees were greener than he had ever seen, the sky still had some streaks of orange running through it from the sunrise. The creek loud and glittering. He walked farther towards the edge of the cliff. Below him was the body of water the creek poured down into. The water was surprisingly still with a couple of swans floating on top, the water mirroring the colors of the sunrise. He quickly walked back to his tent to grab his phone and take pictures. He wanted to paint this when he got home. Remember this forever. 

The rest of the day was spent cooking food, dipping their feet in the creek, exploring the forest and playing hide and seek in it much to Jisung's distaste who was scared of finding a monster. 

When night fell, they grilled sausages on skewers over the fire, covered in blankets and listening to music. Jeno and Jaemin were sat next to each other, sharing a blanket on Renjun's left. 

"You should go to sleep early tonight, Injunnie... you looked so exhausted today." Jaemin suggested. 

"Yeah, your brother plus mine is a tough combination. They have no off button." Renjun agreed, laughing, dumbfounded and tired. Staring blankly at the fire. 

"Hate to break it to you but they've drank 2 liters each of Coca Cola today. I doubt they'll be sleeping much tonight either." Jeno added. 

"Shit. I don't think I can do this another night." Renjun mumbled to himself but not quiet enough for them not to hear it. 

Jaemin suddenly spoke over the fire at his little brother, "Jisung, you and Chenle stay in our tent tonight and us two will go in the three person tent with Renjun. That way you guys can stay up as late as you want." 

"Cool!" Chenle exclaimed. But Jisung didn't match his energy. He gave the same expression as he did in the car. Proving that it wasn't the Markhyuck image that was putting him off. It must have actually been something else. Chenle felt hurt, yet again. "We can try to finish that level tonight!" He said trying to get the taller boy excited too. 

"Yeah" Jisung peeped, coming back to earth. Renjun was happy to hear that they'd be away from him tonight until he realized the entirety of the proposal. He had to sleep in a tent with the two boys he's been catching feelings for. 

_I'm screwed._

When it was time for bed, Renjun hesitantly joined the tent after brushing his teeth with a water bottle. Jeno and Jaemin were already inside, setting up their sleeping bags. When Renjun eventually ducked inside, zipping it behind him, trying not to make eye contact with them, Jeno said something, "I'm excited. This is our first sleepover, Renjunnie." 

"Yeah" Renjun responded. Trying to sound as indifferent as possible. 

"I missed you last night." Jeno continued.   
Jaemin added, "me too!" 

Renjun looked at them, "oh hah, ok. well, goodnight." He said, turning off the plastic lantern. The younger boys next to him replying with a goodnight too. He fell asleep in an instant. 

At around 3am he woke up from a noise outside the tent. He couldn't see yet. He tried to listen closely to try to hear it again but it was pretty silent. All he could hear besides nature sounds were the sweet sleeping breaths of the boys in his tent and Jisung's snoring in the distance. Suddenly he heard Mark's low voice coming from the other tent, "shhhhhit... oooohh my god.." Renjun's eyes widened and he immediately turned on his side, covering his ears. Knowing what he had heard. He tightly shut his eyes hoping to fall back to sleep but he couldn't yet. He slowly opened his eyes once he was sure that enough time had passed for it to be over. He blinked a couple times, his eyes adjusting to the dark, allowing him to see just enough of the inside of his tent. When he focused his eyes, he was met with something that made his heart swell. With both love and pain. 

Jeno and Jaemin were fast asleep. Jeno was laying almost completely on top of Jaemin, who had one hand on top of the older's hair and the other hand on the small of his back. They looked so peaceful. Their slow breaths escaping parted lips. Torsos rising and falling in unison. Renjun could look at this forever. He would do anything for it.

Everyone was woken up by Mark, ordering people to get busy and start packing up the little camp site they had created over this weekend. They had to get home early that Sunday morning because Donghyuck and Renjun had a shift at Baskin Robbins. They returned the camping gear to their boss and got right to work. It was the last weekend in August, so people of the town were getting excited to enjoy their last hot week of the year with some ice cream. They were busy most of the day. 

During their lunch break, Renjun decided to eat outside on the patio, letting his skin absorb the last bits of summer sun. Donghyuck followed him and they ate and talked about the trip. Renjun wanted to ask about the sounds he heard. But of course, Donghyuck being Donghyuck, he didn't have to wait long to hear about it anyway. "Ya know... the second night... something happened... between me and Mark." Donghyuck said between slurps of his cup ramen. 

"Yeah, I know." 

"I- wait .. what? How?" Donghyuck asked, eyes wide. 

"I heard. Unfortunately." 

"What'd you hear?" 

"oooohh shittt ooo yeah oh my god Hyuckie!!" Renjun dramatically re-enacted, laughing his ass off. 

"JUNNIE STOP" 

"Kidding. It wasn't thaaat bad." 

"You're right. It was better." Donghyuck revealed with his eyes closing and a reminiscent smile on his face, Renjun cringed. 

"Well aren't you going to ask what happened?" Hyuck continued. 

"No." 

"Fine. I gave him head." 

"Please shut up." 

"It was my first time but apparently I did great." 

"Stop. I'm not listening." 

"Don't be so jealous, Junnie." 

"What?? How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not jealous." 

Donghyuck shrugged, smiling, enjoying the last of his meal. Renjun decided now was the time, "Donghyuck, I feel like we need to talk." 

"Sure. Bout what?" 

"Well... I don't know we never really talked about the end of our summer thing. And I still haven't asked you about the Taeil thing. And I don't want you to have weird ideas about what I feel about you." He was rambling. 

"Renjun, slow down." Donghyuck giggled. "I know. I liked you a lot this summer and it was fun. You agree right? I guess, I started to catch feelings and I ended up telling Taeil that I wanted to ask you out officially. But I realized, I moved way too fast because once I met Mark... I really fell hard. I don't want to hurt you and leave you in the dust. I'm sorry if you feel like that. I just want to put the idea of us being a thing behind us." 

"Me too. Thanks for finally telling me. I promise I'm not hurt. It would've been weird if we dated. I was never really certain what I felt for you. I just really like you being in my life. Even though you're annoying. I am truly happy for you, though. I like someone too now. So.. let's just stay best friends?" Renjun was so happy to get this off his chest. 

"Deal. But.. wait who do you like?" 

"What? Oh .. uh. I don't know." 

"You don't know?"   
_Honestly... I really don't._


	12. twelve

Thursday Afternoon  
Early September 2019  
Northern Seoul, South Korea  
The College's Parking Lot 

Another school and work week had passed since that full first week of meeting the new group of boys. Renjun was feeling so complete these days. If he thought about it too long though, his brain would just as easily turn that into a bad thing. He still struggled with his mental health. It wasn't cured. It probably would never be. He just had a feeling that it was all going to end in burning flames and he'd be left alone again. The thought hurt him even though it wasn't real. Donghyuck did so well with helping him forget that feeling for the past few months and these new boys have made it even better. He doesn't want to worry about something going wrong anymore. He wanted to just let life happen. Maybe even let love happen. But he couldn't even tackle that huge question mark in his head 

_Let's not think about it..._

He was walking towards Donghyuck's car, hoping to catch a glimpse of Jeno or Jaemin somewhere along the way. Today was a Thursday and on Tuesdays and Thursdays he doesn't have any classes with anyone he knows. He loved the other three days of the school week when he could spend time with them in class. Even if they couldn't talk much, he loved looking at the back of Jeno's head in Accounting and feeling Jaemin's arm brush against his in Literature. Their three person group chat was thriving more than ever these days. They'd send each other the dumbest pictures, memes, and embarrassing texts. 

He found Donghyuck and Mark, who had officially become boyfriends two days before, in their usual position against Mark's van. Locking lips and limbs entangled. Renjun cleared his throat. 

"Junnie! You have your license, right?" 

"No.." 

"Great" Donghyuck said, with the 20 year old still attached to his neck, throwing his keys to Renjun. "Take yourself home, I'm going to Mark's." 

"But-" before Renjun could protest, their open mouths were connected once again. Renjun unlocked Donghyuck's car door, never having sat in a drivers seat before. He was looking all around to see where the stick is that you yank to get it to move. 

_I'm gonna die, aren't I?_

He heard a knock on the passenger window. It was Jeno, he had a hand on the roof of the car and was bending down to see into the window. Giving Renjun a warm smile. The back car door opened and Jaemin sat down, throwing his backpack down, scooting over and sitting up to get right behind Renjun. He threw his arms around the boy in the drivers seat's chest, hugging it, "I missed you, Injunnniiiieee." Jeno had settled himself in the passenger seat and was cooing at the two of them. 

Renjun looked like he was suffocating. He quickly wriggled out of Jaemin's back hug, "What are you two doing in here?" 

"Mark told us you'd take us home. They're going off to do dirty... dirty things." Jeno explained with a thousand yard stare ahead of him, he looked disturbed. 

"Good for them, I say!" Jaemin chimed in from the back, "At least they're getting some." 

"Heh yeah... um. Anyway... I don't know how to drive." Renjun admitted, hoping it would change the topic. 

"I can teach you!" Jeno excitedly suggested. 

"Why don't you just drive us then?" Renjun said, not really wanting a third lesson of the day. 

"Cmonnn it'll be fun! You got this Injunnie, just don't kill us." Jaemin said sitting up again, his face between the two front seats. They spent the next 10 minutes, slowly but surely making it to Jaemin's house where he'd be dropping the two of them off. 

"You're a natural, Huang!" Jeno exclaimed 

"Really? Maybe you're just a good teacher." He really was. He was calm and collected, explained each step thoroughly, and when Renjun hit the brakes too hard or something, he was quick to give him an 'it's okay! don't worry, everyone does that.' type of response. Renjun couldn't help but notice how fatherly Jeno was. Kind of like a dad Renjun never really had. Even though he was a month younger, he was mature and took care of everyone around him. Of course he could be childish, he was only 19, but Renjun saw what a good man he is already. 

Jaemin cheered when they made it safely to the Na residence. But... none of them wanted to leave each other. Renjun unbuckled his seat belt and turned around so he could face the both of them. They were both looking at him with the slightest smiles and stars in their eyes. "What?" He asked, feeling insecure. 

"You're just so cute." Jaemin said as serious as Renjun had ever heard him. Usually he's putting on a silly voice or doing some sort of aegyo, but this time, he said it with his whole heart. Renjun felt it. 

"You are, Renjunnie." Jeno added, "You look really handsome right now." 

Renjun couldn't understand, he tried brushing it off, turning back to look forward and putting his seat belt back on. "It's just the lighting.. or something." He deflected. 

"Listen Injunnie, I'm probably gonna ask the group chat later to come watch a movie tonight. Nothing serious since it's a school night but, the point is, I want you to come." Jaemin said, putting on his backpack. Renjun gulped, still confused about the last conversation. 

Renjun finally responded, without looking at either of them. "Okay. I'll be there... see you guys."  
And with that, they left the car, walking with arms linked up to Jaemin's front door. Renjun safely drove himself home.

Hours later, Renjun had freshened up and got some homework done before receiving the invitation text from Jaemin in the group chat. 

Chenle came into Renjun's room, "Did you see the text? Can we go?" 

"Yeah. I still have Hyuck's car so I can take us. Get ready." 

It was around 7:30pm when they arrived and Markhyuck was already on the couch as practically one body conjoined. Jisung was snacking on food and watching a video on Jeno's phone. Jaemin had his head on Jeno's lap and Renjun's stomach ached at the sight. Unsure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Chenle sneak-attacked Jisung and Renjun was still looking for a place to sit. 

He playfully yanked Jaemin's legs that were taking up two spots on the couch since he was laying down. Jaemin, started playing back, softly kicking at Renjun's belly and giggling like crazy.  
"Ya!! Jaeminah... quit!" 

"You started it!"  
Renjun was stronger than people might assume and was an expert wrestler thanks to years of practice fighting with Chenle. He took the opportunity to grab both of Jaemin's legs and pull him off the couch. Jaemin slinked onto the floor and Renjun quickly sat down, smirking and man spreading (as per usual) so that now Jaemin wouldn't have a space. Jaemin, being the confident gay he is, took this chance to sit on Renjun's lap. Wrapping both arms around his neck and hugging his head. 

"Ugh! You're choking me!!!" 

"Oooo hot." Someone in the room said, Renjun wasn't sure who. He shoved the younger boy off of him and closed his own legs, regretting his decision to man spread earlier. Jaemin was still laughing and sat on the right of Renjun now that there was a good amount of space. Renjun was now sat between Jaemin and Jeno, who finally had peeled his eyes from the gaming video he was watching with Jisung. 

"Ok ok let's watch.... Avatar?" Jisung suggested. 

"That's my favorite movie!" Renjun exclaimed clapping his hands 

"M-me too, Renjun hyung." Jisung turned to the older with a sweet look. 

"No it's not. Your favorite movie is the Hobbit or something." Jaemin interjected, a little confused. 

"Not anymore. I like Avatar these days." Jisung said, cheeks heating a little. 

"This is good, Jisung! Come sit." Chenle reassured him. They all sat there watching the beginning of the film. Well... the five of them did, a certain couple at the end of the couch had more important things to attend to apparently.  
Sometime during the movie, Jaemin's legs found there way to Renjun's lap and Renjun's head rested Jeno's shoulder. Renjun absentmindedly moved his fingertips back and forth over the legs in his lap. He didn't feel nervous. He felt so happy. No matter if he was confused about being so close to the two boys and liking them both at the same time.  
Everything is gonna be okay. I'm happy. 

When the movie ended, it was almost 11pm so they had to get back home quickly. They all said their goodbyes and Renjun couldn't wait to see the two boys tomorrow morning at school. On the drive home, the car was pretty quiet. Renjun honestly thought that Chenle had fallen asleep in the passenger seat so he drove slowly, avoiding any bumps in the road. 

"Gege, what did mom say when you came out?" The younger boy asked, catching Renjun a little off guard. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Like did you just tell her you're gay? Was she mad?" 

"I didn't really just outright tell her ever. I didn't really know I was. I'm still a little confused. I might be bi or something, I don't really know. I just remember having a talk with her when Sicheng asked me on a date. She didn't pry much. Just said she's glad."  
There was a comfortable silence after that but Renjun figured Chenle had a reason for the sudden question. "Why do you ask?" He continued. 

"I think I'm gay. I don't know. I like Jisung. Like more than a friend. I think... I've never liked someone as much as I like Jisung." 

"Do you know how he feels?" 

"No. I have a feeling he's not interested, though. You notice how weird he gets sometimes?" They reached their house so Renjun turned off the car. 

"Kind of... but don't overthink it. You guys are only seventeen, there's nothing to rush into. Keep enjoying your time with him. If it's meant to be, it will be. The universe has its ways." 

"Thanks." Chenle said, getting out of the car and running up to the house. Renjun stayed there for a moment, looking out of the dusty sunroof of the car at the starry night sky, thinking about the words of advice he just gave his little brother.  
He immediately thought of two faces when he replayed the words in his mind.  
_The universe has its ways. If it's meant to be... It will be._


	13. thirteen

Friday Night  
Early September 2019  
Northern Seoul, South Korea  
Huang Renjun's Bedroom 

Renjun was laying on his back on top of his comforter. His thoughts from the week behind him melting into his pillow. Finally it was the weekend and Renjun didn't have work until Sunday. He's been doing so well in school. It's only been two weeks so far but his professors have already taken a special liking to him. He's been on top of every class, every assignment, even asking his instructors for extra resources to study. The old overachieving Renjun was slowly being revived from the dead. It was a good thing. He felt like it was a sign of healing from the dreaded year before this one. The corners of his mouth curled upwards slowly, he was letting the relaxation linger as long as he could allow it. 

fwends

Nana💓: hey hey uglies.. parents are gone for the weekend. who's down for a sleepover tonight? 

_Jaeminah... I can hear his voice in this text message._

fwends

Jenoyaaa💙: me hehe 

lele👹: i can if renjun goes :)) 

renjun: yes we can lol 

dongsookie🐻: can't 

Mark Lee(: : can't either 

dongsookie🐻: ;) 

Mark Lee(: : heheh shh 

renjun: good. pls don't... no hornies allowed. 

Jenoyaaa💙: aw:/ 

jisung pwark: hahah i agree with renjun hyung!! 

dongsookie🐻: fine we won't miss you guys either🙄 

Renjun laughed, just a tad concerned about their lack of denial at the accusation. He walked to the bathroom to grab his toothbrush and deodorant and anything else he might need for the sleepover, he was thinking about the "aw:/" text that Jeno sent. Was it in response to them not coming or the 'no hornies allowed' text? 

When he arrived back to his room, he checked his phone to see new texts in the group chat that he had with Jeno and Jaemin. 

💛

Jenoyaaa💙: I can't wait :)) 

Nana💓: me neitherrrr injunnaaa when are you and lele coming? 

renjun: we can leave in like 3 minutes haha 

Jenoyaaa💙: kinda glad it'll be just us 5 this time 

renjun: me too haha it's been tiring trying to ignore the exhibitionists lmfaooo  
renjun: anyway we're getting in the car see u guys soon 

Renjun still had Donghyuck's car ever since he gave it to him. Mark has been driving him to and from work and school so Renjun basically got a new car out of the deal. He still doesn't have a license but if he isn't getting caught then who has to know? 

They arrived at the Na's house. Just like every other time, they walked right upstairs, finding their friends eating snacks and playing video games. This time, mattress pads, blankets, pillows, and a plushie or two were scattered on the floor in front of the couch. The boys were too focused on the Mariokart race on the TV which was between Jisung and Jaemin. Jeno was watching with eyes glued to the screen. They had yet to acknowledge the arrival of Chenle and Renjun. Renjun, being the little pain he is, decided to block the view, wiggling his arms and eventually turning around and hugging the TV. 

Jisung immediately shouted, "HYUNG, MOVE! IM IN FIRST PLACE! HYUNG, PLEASE." 

"INJUNNIE!!! I CANT SEE!!"

Chenle was cackling on the couch behind them at their collective freak out. Jeno stood up, grabbing Renjun's waist from behind and physically peeling him from the television. Renjun was laughing at his own antics watching Jisung scramble to the finish line. He soon realized the hands that were still on his waist. Turning around to see Lee Jeno's adorable eye smile just inches from his own eyes. 

"YEAHHH. Easy win... thank you, thank you, please.. hold your applause." Jisung exclaimed, standing up and flopping onto the couch. Renjun took Jeno's hands and removed them from his waist, going to sit on the couch next to his younger brother and Jisung. 

"Would you like my autograph?" Jisung turned towards his best friend. 

"You're a big dummy." Chenle replied, patting the tall boys wet hair who had apparently just showered before the Huangs arrived. 

"Whatever. Oh!! I almost forgot.. I wanted to show you something." Jisung said, springing up and dragging Chenle by the hand to his room. Renjun knows that the boy's heart is probably somersaulting. It made Renjun smile. Chenle is annoying and they fight a lot but he'd sacrifice anything to protect his little brother and make sure he's happy.  
Renjun was now left alone with Jeno and Jaemin, laying flat across the couch on his back. 

Jaemin came up to him, and sat on his legs. "Hi Injunnie." 

"Hi, you're breaking my knee caps." 

Jaemin got off quickly, bending down and saying sorry to Renjun's kneecaps in a baby voice. Renjun, of course, pretended to knee him in the face. 

"Nana, are we gonna shower?" Jeno asked 

"Yeah, I have to. I'll take the one in my parents room and you can shower in mine." 

Jeno turned off the console and the TV while Jaemin held his hand out to Renjun, "Did you shower, Injunnie?" 

"No, not yet. Can I?" 

"Yeah of course! But we only have two showers and I don't think you're at the showering-together stage with either of us yet."  
Jeno laughed at Jaemin's bluntness. 

"Right.. I can wait here. But do you have a charger? I forgot mine." 

"There's one in Jaemin's room, you can charge your phone and wait in there. It'll be like 5 minutes." 

Renjun agreed and followed them into Jaemin's bedroom, bringing his over night bag with him. Jeno and Jaemin grabbed their towels and went to their respective showers. Renjun was laying on his belly across Jaemin's bed, deciding to take this time to continue reading a Web Toon he'd been addicted to.

Just like Jeno said, 5 minutes had passed and Renjun heard the shower turn off. In no time, Jeno appeared in the doorway of the bathroom in Jaemin's bedroom, a white towel wrapped loosely around his bottom half. His black hair was dripping, leaving streams of lucky water to follow the shape of his toned stomach. Renjun gulped, knowing he looked for a few seconds too long. Jeno was turned around, grabbing fresh clothes from Jaemin's wardrobe. Renjun's eyes fixed on his broad back.  
Moments later, Jaemin entered the bedroom in the exact same fashion. A towel tucked around his hips, holding on for dear life. His body was pretty, slender, and only slightly less built than Jeno. Still, he too looked hand craved by the gods. He was towel drying his hair with a small hand towel. Flashing a smile at Renjun's obvious gawking. 

He quickly looked down at his phone pretending to be back to reading. His mind was wandering though, hearing the sounds of underwear snapping against skin. Hoodies and sweats being tossed on to their barely dry skin. 

_Focus, Renjun. Focus your breathing. It's just... the human body.  
Just Jeno and Jaemin's.. human bodies. Naked. In a closed bedroom with you._

Soon, he realized he had a situation arising and he wanted to jump out of the window. 

_Fuck. I'm so fucked. I can't stand up. What do I do? They're gonna think I'm a pervert._

"Renjunnie, the showers are all open now so you can use this one in here." Jeno spoke up. 

"Yeah, towels are in the cabinet. I'll go ask Chenle if he wants to use the other one." Jaemin added.  
And like a gift from the universe, the two boys left Renjun in the room to start up his shower. Renjun ran like the wind into Jaemin's bathroom and quickly got into the shower. He just wanted this embarrassing moment to end.  
He let the water run down his back, his eyes looking down in horror at his boner. He tried to ignore it. His stomach was turning. He shampooed his hair and borrowed Jaemin's face wash. He grabbed his washcloth and lathered it with body soap. Rubbing his shoulders and the back of his neck with the cloth. He couldn't get the picture of their beautiful wet bodies out of his mind, as hard as he tried. He had to give in. 

He slowly moved the soapy washcloth down his belly and wrapped it around his hard on. He felt terrible. He never had to do this outside the comfort of his own room before. Let alone someone he only recently met's house. He moved his hand, quickly trying to get the job done and over with. It wasn't working. He knew what he had to do. He conjured up a lewd image of the two boys in his mind. Imagining them helping him instead, their own hands, own mouths, on him. Renjun's breathing grew heavier, his eyes closing tightly. He finally finished, covering his mouth with his free hand so as to not make a noise. He continued washing up. Horribly ashamed of what had just happened. 

_This isn't normal. I'm going to hell._

He got dressed into his clean pajamas and made his way back to the TV room. Chenle had gone to shower too in the other bathroom. Jisung, Jeno, and Jaemin were laying on the mattress pads. The latter two cuddled close to each other. They separated a bit when they spotted Renjun waddling in in his adorable PJs. Jaemin patted the spot between him and Jeno, motioning for Renjun to come. 

_It's okay. They don't hate me. Now that it's done, it's done. They aren't going to know what happened.  
Just enjoy tonight from now on and shut up, brain!_

Renjun apparently tuckered himself out, falling asleep between the two in a matter of minutes after they all got snuggled securely.

2 hours later, Renjun was getting shook awake, "Renjun ge. Wake up please." When he focused his eyes, Chenle was hovered over him, "Get up, ge please. I wanna go home." The younger pleaded, tears falling from his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi readers :)) this chapter marks the halfway point of the book. thanks so much for the kudos, you guys are the best. hope you enjoyed my multiple update day. i was in a mood. sorry this chapter is ending on a bit of a cliff hanger and double sorry for the smuttiness of this chapter (the first of MAYBE 5 somewhat spicy moments, warning you in advance.)  
> this has been a really cool first writing experience and i can't wait to tell the rest of this story to you all. thanks again! xoxo


	14. fourteen

Saturday Early Morning  
Early September 2019  
Northern Seoul, South Korea  
The Na's Driveway 

It was still pitch black out, it might have been 1 or 2 am... Renjun wasn't sure. He grabbed the keys to Lee Donghyuck's car that he had recently gotten to claim as his own for the time being. Chenle was standing next to the passenger door waiting for his older brother to hurry out of the house and unlock it. 

When they both got in, Renjun was still rubbing the short sleep out of his eyes and Chenle allowed himself to cry further. Harder than he was before. His head slumped almost between his knees, "Please drive" he mumbled, taking advantage of the breath he acquired between sobs. 

"Will you tell me what's going on?" 

"I'm a fucking idiot." Chenle voiced a bit louder than before. 

"What happened?" Renjun asked, looking over at the younger and setting a hand on his back. The lack of street lamps on these roads before dawn had Renjun driving slowly, a good opportunity to hear out Chenle anyway. 

"I fucked up so badly. I told Jisung I like him, he-" He couldn't continue. 

"What did he do?" 

"He said he's sorry. I literally told him I like him and all he said was 'I'm sorry'. I asked him why and he said he isn't sure we like each other in the same way. So, of course, I thought 'Oh ok he's not gay. That's okay. Right? He's just straight.' But-" He stopped again to catch his troubled breath and continued, "he said he likes you." 

"Likes ME?" Renjun asked extremely puzzled. 

"Yeah. YOU. He said you're the first boy who's made him 'feel something'. I started crying in front of him.. I'm such a fucking idiot. He's the first boy I've ever liked and you're his. Can you believe it?" Chenle asked, laughing but not because it was actually funny. 

"No. I really can't. Chenle... I'm so sorry." 

"You're sorry. He's sorry. I should be sorry because I didn't just shut my mouth. He's not gonna wanna be friends with me. He didn't seem like he wanted me in his room anymore. That's why I needed to leave. He probably thinks I'm disgusting or creepy." 

"Chenle, listen. He doesn't think any of that. What did he say before you left his room?" They had arrived at their house and were parked in the street at this point. 

"I don't know I wasn't listening when I left. He keeps texting me. I am not gonna read them. He's probably telling me off." 

"I'm sure he isn't. Chenle, I've been in that position of watching the person you like fall for someone else and it is one of the worst shared experiences in the human world. But it's your choice on how to deal with it." 

Chenle was listening intently, the tears on his cheeks finally drying but the puffiness of his eyes and lips still evident. Renjun continued, "You just have to take things slower. Just don't run away from him. He's a good guy. You might not want to give that up. Plus, I can guarantee that he won't end up with me, he obviously likes boys, and you two are best friends. You have some pretty good odds." 

Chenle was nodding and looking down at his tear soaked pant legs and Renjun added one more piece of advice, "Beside that though, try to put it out of your mind. Start over mentally and let time do it's thing." 

"I won't run away yet but, for now, I think I need a few days away from him. Just to try to move on from this." Chenle said finally looking at Renjun. 

"That's okay. He'll understand if he knows you well enough. You're not someone he would want to lose either, I promise." Renjun took his younger brother's hands that were still much smaller and more child-like than his own and they sat there for a few seconds before he shut the car off and headed first towards the door. 

They slept like babies the rest of that Saturday morning. 

When Renjun finally woke up around noon he read his texts. 

💛

Nana💓: injunah u ditched us :(  
Nana💓: what happened to u guys? 

Jenoyaaa💙: yea is everything okay? 

renjun: hey guys yeah everything's okay just a little family emergency  
renjun: sorry I left without any warning. 

Nana💓: don't be!!!!! as long as your safe, we are okay:) 

renjun: all safe don't worry 

Jenoyaaa💙: we missed you tho 

renjun: haha im sure you two slept fine 

Jenoyaaa💙: yeah but it was cozier with you between us 

Nana💓: agree!!!!!!!!!! i need a renjun makeup cuddle ASAP 

_How is he cringey and still cute?_

💛

renjun: maybe !! 

Jenoyaaa💙: come over tonight 

renjun: huh? i just was there lol 

Nana💓: dont you miss us :((((( ??!????! 

Attached to that message came a selfie of them next to each other in Jaemin's bed, smiling like dorks. 

_Oh fuck. They're still together.  
And they look... so fine.  
Jaemin's lips, Jeno's eyes, they look so cozy.  
But I can't. Would I even be able to control myself?_

💛

renjun: I have homework haha ill see you guys at school on Monday :) 

Jenoyaaa💙: fine :/ see u then 

Minutes later, Renjun was still looking at the photo they sent. Wanting desperately to be there with them. To hear their morning voices that he has yet to hear in their full glory. To cuddle up between them again. To touch them. 

_This is gonna be a long weekend._

A few days later, Renjun's Monday wasn't off to the best start. There were 5 minutes remaining in Renjun's first class period. He wished he could have paid attention in class or at the very least got more time to stare at the back of Jeno's head. Instead, he was busy texting his little brother. 

lele👹: renjun ge  
lele👹: what do i do  
lele👹: i saw jisung waiting for me at my locker  
lele👹: so i didn't put my stuff away 

renjun: what?! go put your stuff away. 

lele👹: no  
lele👹: it's too late  
lele👹: im in class 

renjun: lele next period, go put ur stuff in ur locker... 

lele👹: what if he's waiting for me again?  
lele👹: he hasn't stopped texting me..  
lele👹: should i block him? 

renjun: NO!!! you still haven't answered him?🙄 

lele👹: no 

renjun: don't make things bad when they're not 

lele👹: BUT THEY ARE BAD 

renjun: pay attention in class 

lele👹: GE UR NOT LISTENING WTFWUDJRI 

renjun: i am and ur annoying  
renjun: talk to him next passing period  
renjun: or else im not picking you up to go home 

lele👹: what THATS NOT FAIR 

renjun: bye next time u text me make sure it's u telling me that u talked to him 

He put his phone away and realized people were beginning to pack up. Jeno made his way to Renjun's desk so they could walk together to the class the older boy had with Jaemin next. 

When they met up with Jaemin, Jeno greeted him sweetly before splitting off to go wait for his friends' class to end. Jaemin and Renjun took their seats next to each other and Jaemin looked at him with a concerning expression, "Is everything ok with Chenle?" 

"I'm not sure, it will be though. What do you know?" 

"Jisung told me why you guys left that night. He's been texting me all day and he can't find him. Did he skip?" 

"No he's here. He's just... being annoying." 

"Jisung feels terrible.." 

"He shouldn't. Although, I kind of do too. Not just because my little brother is hurt but because yours is crushing on me. Not a good situation." 

"Yeah. Sorry about that." Jaemin looked down at his textbook, "Of course, I can't blame him. You're impossible not to love." He finished, making eye contact with the boy next to him who quickly tried diverting his own gaze. 

"Well, it just sucks." Renjun tried moving on from the moment they just had, "I've been both of those people before, you know? Loving the wrong boy at the wrong time, never sure about what his feelings are in return." 

"Who was this wrong boy?" 

_Fuck. Did I say boy? Great going, Renjun!  
Just outed yourself to your new hot friend._

"Um.. just.. never mind.. haha." 

"It's okay, Injun. I won't tell." 

"Just... it was a long time ago. It's nothing." 

Jaemin didn't want to keep prodding so he let Renjun keep pretending to listen to the lecture. They continued the rest of the lesson in silence. 

When the professor dismissed the class, Jaemin turned back to Renjun, "Just, if you could, try to convince Chenle to talk to Jisung. It's killing him." 

"I'll keep trying. Sorry again." 

"Don't be!" Jaemin said throwing an arm over the shorter boys shoulders, "and Injunnah, I gotta be honest... you've been giving me confused straight vibes for a while." 

"I'm not not totally straight." Renjun said, cheeks heating up at the sudden reminder of his slip up. 

"Whatever you are... I'm glad to have it half confirmed." 

"Does it really matter?" Renjun asked, unsure of Jaemin's thought process. 

"You know it does." 

"Why?" 

"I like to know I have a chance."


	15. fifteen

Monday Afternoon  
Early September 2019  
Northern Seoul, South Korea   
The Huang’s Kitchen

It had only been about 5 hours since Renjun heard the words he can’t get out of his head. At the time, he just laughed it off and Jaemin continued on talking about something else, looking for Jeno who was waiting for them like usual. 

He didn’t find closure or an explanation on the comment though. There isn’t much mystery to Jaemin’s words, ‘I like to know I have a chance.’ on the topic of Renjun’s sexuality. But, of course, Renjun couldn’t just accept the possible explanation of Jaemin being interested in him. He was still unsure of how any of them liked him as a friend, let alone something more.   
So, he pondered the words over the dinner he was making. Mindlessly stirring the vegetables and meat together in the frying pan, looking like a statue. 

He was woken up from his state of dissociation by his little brother coming back from after school piano practice. 

“Ge, guess what!” He said, smiling and tossing his backpack on the kitchen table where he was planning to sit down. He walked over to the stove where Renjun was standing and rested his hand on his shoulder, leaning on the counter with his other. 

“What’s up?” Renjun asked, blinking finally and looking at his brothers first huge smile in a couple days. It made him smile back. 

“So, you know how I was still trying to avoid Jisung today? Well, I did a great job until he HID himself in the piano room before I got there after my last class.”

“You didn’t try to run away again, did you?” Renjun asked with an accusatory knowing look. 

“Well, listen. I didn’t see him, so I sat at the piano waiting for Mr. Jung and then I heard the door lock behind me... so I twisted around and who do I see?” Chenle was re-enacting the scene for Renjun in the middle of their kitchen.

He continued, “The little hamster himself, Jisung Na! He had his back to the door and his long arms stretched across it. Like this.” He demonstrated. “Practically holding me hostage. So, I know I can’t escape, right? There’s no out. I just had to give up my plan and listen to him.” 

Renjun had finished frying up the meal and made the two of them plates in the meantime. Chenle sat down to eat, seemingly forgetting to continue. 

“So?! What’d he say?” Renjun asked, prompting him to go on. 

“Oh yeah! He said he feels bad about making me upset that night and that he was just confused at first. He doesn’t understand his feelings right now, or something. He told me he really doesn’t want me to feel sad or embarrassed because he feels the same way.” He grabbed another couple bites.

“Is that all? What else?” Renjun was invested, especially since part of the tension between them was due to Jisung’s feelings for the older Huang brother. 

“No, that wasn’t all! I’m just hungry. Well, basically he said he likes me but it isn’t like any other crush he’s had before. He said it’s different than his feelings toward you even. He said it’s more than a crush, it’s more like something precious that he wants to protect and he’s not sure what to call it. That’s why he got scared when I confessed and that I might be rushing.” 

“That’s really good. That’s probably the best thing he could say. What’d you say back?”

“I said I’m happy to take things as slow as possible as long as we can spend more time together.”

“That’s very mature of you, Chenle. Good job. I told you it’d be worth it to just talk to him and let him explain himself. Even if it means giving in to the possibility of embarrassment, as long as there’s some clarity and communication.” Renjun said, clearing the plates they both conquered in minutes. 

“Yeah, thanks.” Chenle shyly spoke. 

As Renjun was packing up the leftovers for his mom to heat up when she got home, his phone started ringing. It was Jeno. 

“Hello?” 

_“Hey, Renjunah. Wanna come over to Jaemin’s right now?”_

“For what?”

_“We’re here and we wanna see you.”_ Jeno said in an obvious tone, ever so slightly scoffing at Renjun’s obliviousness. 

“Oh... okay. Should I invite Chenle and Donghyuck?”

_“No, Mark isn’t here and Jisung is out with Mrs. Na. Do you still have Donghyuck’s car?”_

“Yeah, he still hasn’t asked for it back.”

_“Sweet, yeah. Then if you’re free come over, just you.”_

“Okay. I’ll leave in like 5.”

_“Great, drive safe.”_

Before Jeno hung up, Renjun could hear a ‘yay’ that wasn’t Jeno’s.

_That was definitely Jaemin. Why was his voice so clear? Is he right next to the microphone too? They must be really close to each other right now, cuddling, maybe laying down, faces almost touching._

Renjun felt his heart pound abnormally hard at the image. He physically shook his head to rid himself of the distracting thought, got a fresh hoodie on, and headed out of the front door quickly. 

He was let in by Mr. Na whom he had yet to meet. A tall and very handsome man, sporting a button up shirt and dress pants. He must have just came back from work.   
He pointed Renjun in the direction of Jaemin’s bedroom. 

Before he twisted the handle, Renjun began to remember the last time he was behind this door. What he did in the shower to himself and why he did it in the first place. His heart rate and temperature rising at equally alarming rates.   
He wanted to melt right in that hallway until he was calmed only by the muffled low voices on the other side of the door. A soft giggle and more mumbling. 

Renjun finally twisted the door handle, much to the two boys’ surprise and then to his own, without a knock.

Renjun found them in nearly the exact same position as he was imagining previously. Jeno flat on his back, one arm bent behind his head and the other under Jaemin, who was laying curled up next to him. His top arm slung over Jeno’s abdomen and his cheek resting against his shoulder. 

Renjun was stood there, a tight lipped smile holding back his overwhelming feelings of adoration mixed with awkwardness.   
But it was fine. They welcomed him with two of the kindest faces and sat up. 

Jaemin spoke first, “Injunnah! You actually came!”

“Of course I did.” He hoped he didn’t sound too eager. 

They motioned for him to sit on the bed as well and he somewhat reluctantly did.   
They talked about what they wanted to do. Jaemin suggested watching Netflix, but Renjun didn’t want to stay in for once so he suggested going out to the movies instead. Jeno didn’t really want to watch anything so he asked if they could take the car and go for a drive and they finally all decided that it might be nice. 

They took the car Renjun brought, this time with Jeno in the driver's seat. They drove for about 15 minutes in a random direction while listening to Renjun’s music, Sabrina Claudio’s Confidently Lost album to be exact.   
They found a fast food place and Jeno bought three orders of fries for them all. They sat in the abandoned looking parking lot, watching the sky change its colors as the sun was making its way toward the horizon, hiding itself behind the tall ancient trees that surrounded their small town. 

“Hey, we’re about 15 minutes from the camping spot, right?” Jaemin spoke up from the back seat, his chin was resting on the passenger chair Renjun was sitting in. 

“Oh, yeah! Should we go? We’ve never gone just to go.” 

“I’m down. That trip was way too short.” Renjun chimed in. 

That was all it took for Jeno to back out of the parking spot and continue on the long stretch of back roads. 

It was beautiful out. Jaemin was making a wave with his hand extended out of the open backseat window. Letting the quick wind blow past his slender fingers. Renjun watched him in the side mirror and followed suit, turning around to smile at Jaemin who returned it even wider. He felt his heart pound so he turned his face to the road in front of him again. 

It felt surreal, the crisp air and fresh smell of pine, the lingering warmth of the setting sun. Renjun stuck part of his head out of the window to enjoy the freedom further. He felt his hair being ruffled by the hand that was sticking out of the window behind his. Then, he felt it detach from his hair and grab his own hand that was also still sticking out. He turned his head back to see Jaemin trying to hold his hand from outside the window. He let him.

The wind continued blowing past their now intertwined fingers and Renjun closed his eyes. 

They arrived a few minutes later and the place was just as breath taking as before. If not more. 

Renjun was the first to get out and go see the beautiful body of water beyond the edge of the familiar cliff they were on. He crouched down and touched the ground. Resting for a moment to take it all in.   
When he turned around, Jaemin was sitting on the huge boulder Renjun had once sat on to admire the view. Jeno was grabbing a lighter from Donghyuck’s glove compartment. Probably to start the fire pit.  
Renjun went to go sit next to Jaemin on the boulder, not saying a word. He wondered if it was bad that they connected hands outside of their windows on the car ride there.

_They’re dating aren’t they? No one has confirmed or denied it yet. Was Jaemin just being friendly to me?_

Jeno interrupted Renjun’s brain scramble by sitting on the other side of him. The fire had been lit easily and they were waiting for it to grow some more. 

“I think I like it up here even better when it isn’t sweaty mid August.” Jeno spoke up. 

The other two boys agreed.   
There was a comfortable silence as they sat watching the remaining rays of light bury themselves behind obstructions in the distance. Darkening the day. 

“It hasn’t been that long since we all met but I feel like we’re a solid little team.” Jaemin admitted.

“Yeah, thanks for letting me in. Markhyuck would never and I can’t really keep up with Chenji, but you guys treat me like I’m part of your duo.” Renjun reluctantly confessed his gratitude. 

Jeno turned to him, “It’s not a problem, you honestly fit right in.”

Jaemin added, “Yeah! We want you to feel comfy with us. We’re a tight group and I don’t want you to be too nervous, like you were earlier.”

“Earlier?” Renjun asked. 

“Yeah, at school. I want you to feel like you can tell us those things.” Jaemin answered and Renjun finally got what he was talking about. 

He decided to give in, if he can’t talk to this couple of nice boys about his feelings and his confusing sexuality, when could he ever? “Yeah. Sorry I got awkward. I’m still confused as you could probably guess.” 

Jeno chimed in, “That’s okay. Everyone is. As long as your confusion doesn’t hold you back in life.”

_I should have known Jaemin would tell him too._

He tried to ignore his small wave of anxiety at the realization, “Yeah. I know you’re right.” 

“You can come to us with anything, Injunnie. Honest.” Jaemin tried to conclude, with a hand on the small of Renjun’s back.

This prompted him to take the opportunity to ask, “This is mostly unrelated but, are you two... dating?” 

They both kind of snorted at the question, laughing at his cute boldness.

Jeno answered, “Who knows? We’re definitely soul mates. We’ve been like this since we met. Two best friends who kinda just act like a married couple. As you probably know, we spend every moment together, we’re way too comfy with each other, and occasionally we... mess around. That’s just been life.” 

“Except for the few months he left me in 7th grade to be hetero. Ugh.” Jaemin cut in, half joking and half serious. 

“You’ll never let me live that down.”

“Nope!” Jaemin replied with a wide smile, looking lovingly at the boy on the other side of Renjun. 

Renjun tried to speak up before he could be squished between the two, “Interesting. Yeah. I don’t know. I felt like I might be third wheeling in this couple or something.”

Jeno giggled slightly with his hushed breath, “We’re open, Renjun. No third wheeling. I feel like I can speak for both of us when I say we just hope you accept us the way we are.” 

Jaemin added, “We really like you. We instantly felt good about you.” 

“Wow. I mean. Me too. For sure. The whole group, honestly. Felt so good from the beginning. I’m really glad to have met you all.” Renjun said choppily, obviously not getting Jaemin’s full message. 

“Really though, Renjun. Even beyond what you add to the group. We like you. For you.” Jeno tried clarifying the point. 

Nothing more was said for a few minutes. Renjun thinks he understands finally. The sky was almost completely black. The stars, moon, and the fire pit behind their backs lighting up their surroundings.   
He felt the two looking past him at each other in his peripheral vision. Focusing on both of their close proximities to him.   
Renjun closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Steadying his nerves and his racing thoughts. 

Jeno spoke up, “What are you thinking about?”

_Is this the point where I have to be honest?_

“I don’t want you guys to be weirded out. If you wanna leave me here you can.” 

“What are you talking about, injunnah?” Jaemin said, bumping his shoudler making him bump into Jeno too. 

“I like you guys. Both of you. A lot. Maybe I’m just confusing things. I don’t know. I hope we can just stay this close. That’s all.” Renjun said, too quickly. His eyes closing again to avoid the painful silence. 

“Can we kiss you?” Jaemin finally spoke. 

Renjun opened his eyes, looking first at Jaemin and then at Jeno, nodding his head. 

Jaemin grabbed the oldest boys face with his left hand, turning it towards his own. Renjun melted at the contact of the boys soft palm against his cheek. The fire light made Jaemin’s thick eyelashes cast long shadows across the bridge of his nose.

Renjun closed his eyes before he could continue to stare. He felt Jaemin’s lips against his own. Renjun moved first, deepening the kiss further. Jaemin replied back, moving his hand to the nape of Renjun’s neck. His mouth moved so expertly around Renjun’s. The kiss was passionate but not messy or too lustful. 

Renjun felt Jeno’s hand on the crown of his head, playing with his hair. He disconnected himself from Jaemin and turned his head to see Jeno’s equally beautiful face, smiling at him. 

This time Renjun lead the kiss. With a hand on the back of Jeno’s black hair, Renjun wasted little time in bringing his reddened lips to Jeno’s own. Jeno’s were softerr, he held back more and let Renjun’s lips do what they wanted. Jeno’s hands found their way to Renjun’s waist and he pulled him a little closer. 

Renjun felt greedy but he had been craving these boys for too long. It was like a dream.   
But it was a real, and the fact of it being reality was made even more apparent when, much to all three boys’ dismay, Renjun’s phone rang in his back pocket. He stood up.   
It was his mom. 

_“Renjunnie, where are you? Chenle needs math help.”_

“I’m out... with friends.” Renjun was a bit out of breath. 

_“Come home, please. It’s a Monday night...”_

“Okok. I’ll be home as soon as I can.” 

When she hung up, Renjun turned back to see Jeno and Jaemin stand up from the boulder too, looking at him with such admiration.

“Let’s get you home, it's kind of a long drive.” Jeno said. 

With that, they drove home. Not feeling the need to speak about what happened. Enjoying each other’s presence. 

Renjun dropped them both off at Jaemin’s house and made it back home. Sitting in the car for a few minutes to smile like a dork before having to play it cool in front of his mom and Chenle. 

He never wanted that moment to end and all he could do was pray for another one just like it.


	16. sixteen

Friday Morning  
Mid September, 2019  
Northern Seoul, South Korea  
Lee Donghyuck’s Living Room

The rest of the school week passed by too quickly. Every day since that Monday night that Renjun spent with Jeno and Jaemin was precious. Nothing major had happened since, but the knowing glances and sweet text messages they sent to each other in and out of school were enough to send Renjun into a state of anxious contentment.  
He’s anxious mostly due to the fact that they haven’t exactly spoken about the moment they shared other than subtle mentions of the night, avoiding the exact content. Renjun isn’t sure what he even wants to hear from them anyway. 

Currently he’s sat at Donghyuck’s kitchen counter, munching on Tostitos straight from the bag. 

“Would you stop eating those?” Donghyuck asked, lightly trying to rip them from Renjun’s grip. 

“But you haven’t even started the food yet! I’m hungry!” Renjun protested, regaining control of the blue and purple chip bag and tucking it under his arm. 

“I have to plan this carefully, okay? This is special.” 

It kind of was. It was Chuseok and it’s Renjun first time ever celebrating the holiday in Korea. It definitely won’t be a traditional celebration but since none of the boys’ families were planning to do anything big, the 5 oldest boys decided to hold a mini party at Donghyuck’s apartment on their day off.  
There was still a couple of hours until the other three would arrive so Renjun and Donghyuck had enough time for their petty arguments. 

“What’s the full plan tonight?” Renjun said, hopping off the stool and climbing over the top of Donghyuck’s sofa to lay down. 

“Watching movies, eating, and I have Jenga and video games. Oh! And we’re getting drunk!” 

Renjun popped his head over the sofa to look at Donghyuck as if to check if he’s serious, “No. Come on.”

“Okay not DRUNK drunk but we have to drink a little.”

“Have to? Says who?” Renjun tried to argue.

“Me!” 

Renjun laid back, resigning. He wasn’t that mad at the idea. 

_Might be nice to let loose. I haven’t been drunk in a long time.  
Probably not since that night with... _

His mind threw up pictures of them laughing together at one of Sicheng’s friends parties behind a bush in the backyard. That night, Sicheng allowed himself to show affection to Renjun in public, under the influence of alcohol and behind a bush of course, but that meant a lot to Renjun.  
For a moment Renjun feels fondness for the boy and the many memories he still held on to of the two of them.  
It went sour when he remembered how mad he was at Renjun the next day for letting him act like that when he could have gotten caught and outed. Sicheng could say the most hurtful things and threaten the worst.  
Renjun knows now that it wasn’t his fault, he was drunk too. And the drunkness of that night has lingered on his tongue at every taste of that cheap beer they drank that night. Regret and self hatred in every sip. 

Since that time, he hasn’t been able to consume enough to get himself drunk. 

He knows that tonight could be a new chance to erase that taste recollection with a new one. New memories with new people to connect to his senses and rid his tastebuds at once of the past. 

“You’re not sleeping are you?”

Renjun opened his eyes to see Donghyuck’s head hanging over his from the top of the sofa, “Geez! You scared me... and no. I’m just resting my eyes.” 

“Well, get up I need help.” Donghyuck said, with a tap between Renjun’s eyebrows. Renjun could smell that he was already cooking up some of the food. He wondered how long he was lost in thought. Donghyuck continued, “Can you call one of them? They’re going to stop at the store for alcohol but I need them to buy strawberries too.”

Renjun nodded and dialed up Jaemin since he definitely wouldn’t be the one driving out of the three. He kept it on speaker and stood in the kitchen. 

_“Injunnie?”_

“Hey, where are you?”

_“Sitting in my driveway with Mark, waiting for Jeno’s slow ass.”_

“Okay. Um.. Donghyuck wants you guys to pick up strawberries.” 

_“Tell him there’s barely any stores open today.”_

Donghyuck chimed in, taking over the call with a raised annoyance in his voice while mixing up the kimchi pancake batter, “How are you gonna buy soju?” 

_“Hi Hyuckie!”_ Mark’s faint voice could be heard in the background.

“Hi!” Donghyuck’s toned brightened in an instant, making Renjun’s nose scrunch. 

Jaemin cut off the couple’s phone reunion to answer Hyuck’s original question, _“My parents had a carton in the garage so we’re bringing that.”_

“Well do they happen to also have strawberries?” 

_“...I’ll go look.”_ You could practically hear Jaemin’s eye roll through the speaker. 

Something about the way Jeno strolled through Donghyuck’s front door 20 minutes later with a carton of soju in hand and Jaemin following closely behind him with a basket of strawberries made Renjun’s heart swell with domestic fantasies.  
Strawberries and alcohol is a romantic combination of treats and Renjun’s mind didn’t let him miss it. 

Mark immediately went and back hugged Donghyuck who was flipping the hotteok at the stove. Renjun watched the older boy tuck his face in the crook of Hyuck’s neck and practically meld their bodies into one. He wanted to greet and be greeted like that someday.

“Hi Renjunnie” Jeno said with the softest smile as he was setting the carton on the table. Jaemin was handing over the strawberries to Mark to make him prepare them and help Donghyuck. 

Jeno turned his body to Renjun and stood there, smiling still. There was a slight awkward air among the room that seemed to yell ‘who’s gonna make the first move?’. Renjun wasn’t sure if everyone sensed it, but he did and that was enough for him.  
Before he knew it, he was making his way to stand just a few inches in front of Jeno and wrapped his arms around his waist. He rested his chin on the younger boy’s shoulder and waited like that until he felt the hug be reciprocated. It wasn’t a long wait, maybe 2 seconds, but to Renjun it felt like forever.  
But once it was reciprocated, Renjun felt his breath steadier than ever. There was a peaceful yet invigorating rush of serotonin that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. 

They stayed like that until Renjun focused his attention on his surroundings and heard nothing but the popping of oil in the pan. He opened his eyes to see Markhyuck gawking at the random display of intimacy from their best friends and Jaemin with the most loving smile shown across his face. 

Renjun let go and walked to the stove where Hyuck was still standing with his mouth hanging open slightly, “your pancake thing is burning” he calmly called to his attention.

Once the food was all cooked up as well as Donghyuck could manage, they ate and enjoyed the hot meal of rice, kimchijeon, and strawberry hotteok. 

“Okay, who’s cleaning up?” Donghyuck asked, leaning back in his chair to stretch out his full belly. 

“I can.” Renjun offered. 

“We can help!” Jaemin added, “You two go sit down and get the games out.” 

They cleared the table and the three boys got to work. Renjun did the washing, Jaemin the drying, and Jeno the putting away. 

When they finished, they met Markhyuck in the living room who had already cracked open the soju. Since Donghyuck lives alone, he only has one loveseat and one armchair. Jeno took the tiny amount of space next to the couple on the loveseat and Jaemin grabbed the armchair. Renjun immediately sat on the ground at the lack of availability.  
Mark, Donghyuck, and Jeno were arguing about which movie to put on. 

“Injunnie.” Jaemin called his attention and gestured for him to come. 

When he crawled over, he peered at Jaemin with a questioning look. Without words, the boy in the armchair patted his lap.

“Oh no no, it’s fine.” Renjun said, starting to crawl back to his old spot. 

“Heyyy cmon... don’t sit on the ground, you know he doesn’t vacuum.” Jaemin said, taking the opportunity to make fun of Donghyuck while he wasn’t paying attention. 

Renjun couldn’t help but laugh and decided he agreed, sitting first on the arm of the chair. He was hoping to get away with that much but Jaemin scooted the older boy’s butt to sit on his legs all the way. Jaemin’s thighs were bony and it really was comfier on the floor but all Renjun could think about was how much he has waited to be this close to one of them.

The night went on with a random movie playing in the background of their heated Jenga match, drinking, playing Just Dance until they all toppled over each other, and more drinking. 

It was only about 11pm when Mark decided he should put the slurring Donghyuck down for bed. They were all super tired and sloppy but the other three boys didn’t want the night to end so quickly. 

Jaemin scavenged through Hyuck’s cupboards and found brownie mix. They looked so good on the packaging and they couldn’t resist. So, with their last bits of consciousness, they added the few ingredients that the mix needed and began their midnight dessert making. 

In the poorly lit kitchen, Renjun walked up to Jaemin who was stirring the batter. Jaemin took some on his pointer finger, “Say ahhhh” he ordered, eyeing Renjun’s lips. 

Renjun didn’t have the will to deny it and took the offering into his mouth, maintaining eye contact. Before he could really even consume the bit of brownie batter, he blurted “you’re so beautiful.” 

Jaemin’s eyes opened big and the corners of his mouth curled instinctively, a nervous breathy laugh escaped his nose. As if collecting himself, he soon changed his expression into one that tried to intimidate the equally drunk boy in front of him. His big eyes narrowing and the shy smile evolving into a lopsided smirk, “You think so?”

Renjun isn’t as easily intimidated as one might think and especially not a Renjun with some liquid courage in his system. “Yeah, I do”, he said, closing the distance between them, his confident manner unwavering. 

He could almost feel Jaemin back down, his eyelids flickering slightly, licking his lips, swallowing his nerves, shoulders dropping. This was a new level of confidence for Renjun and he liked the feeling. 

Renjun felt a strong arm wrap around his lower back and looked to his right to see Jeno moving to encircle them both. He was amused at the situation too. Dipping his finger in the bowl of brownie batter between them, he swiped the tip of Jaemin’s nose, giggling and almost falling onto Renjun. “You’re beautiful even like that, Nana.” 

Jaemin was more used to Jeno’s compliments and playfulness so he gained his composure back to lightly hit him on the arm, “I already know you think I’m beautiful, you big doof.”

Jeno gets a little childish when he’s drunk, Renjun is learning. Childish and clingy. He watches as Jeno removes his arm from Renjun’s waist and wraps both forearms behind Jaemin’s neck, Jeno mumbles something at him for saying he’s a doof and drops his head onto his chest, laughing. Looking back up, he manages to say, “I can’t look at you with that on your face.” 

Jaemin wraps his hands around Jeno and raising his voice into a whine, “You put it there!” 

“Shhh everyone’s sleeping”, Jeno slurred out. 

“Shut me up then.” Jaemin quickly retorted, eyes half lidded. 

And he did, Jeno moved harshly forward to smash his face against Jaemin’s. It was clumsy and open mouthed and they laughed throughout. It was comfortable and normal like they’ve done this drunken dance of tongues a hundred times before. Renjun assumes they have.

His stomach burned at the sight. He would never admit it with a sober brain but this is something out of one of his wet dreams.  
Jeno pulled away from the younger boy and the brownie batter had transferred onto his face as well. 

Renjun took the liberty of laughing along with them at their messiness, stopping only to let his body move closer, pressing his chest into their arms. He grabbed Jeno’s face and licked a stripe on his cheek where the batter had smeared. He pulled away without a look of remorse for his action. The soju in his stomach mixed with the heat radiating off of the boys in front of him and the cheek-reddening move he just made had his skin on fire.  
It wasn’t a bad feeling, it was something he craved more of. Something he wanted to indulge in further. 

Jaemin brushed Renjun’s hair out of his face as Jeno and Renjun roughly connected their lips, pulling away for air finally. Breaths heavy and yearning. 

Renjun wasted no time in moving his face toward Jaemin who startled too easily at the suddenness and he leaned back onto the counter to steady himself. In an instant, his palm came down on the whisk in the mixing bowl, flicking the batter onto the back of his own t-shirt and Donghyuck’s kitchen floor. The three of them stood in place with mouths gaping until Jeno cracked up first and soon they were all on the floor trying their best to not wake the sleeping couple in the nearby bedroom. 

Renjun didn’t know what he was laughing about anymore when he found himself with his back against the cold tile and his eyes on the ceiling above him. It was partly the shock of the mess they just made, their reactions, the hunger with which they were all just wanting to devour each other, the drunken night as a whole, Renjun was slightly sobering up at the hilarious recollections. Jaemin was trying to wipe to floor up but his lack of hand-eye coordination in his current state was making it frustratingly impossible. 

Jeno collected his laughter and suggested they leave the cleaning for tomorrow and focus on cleaning up Jaemin and changing into their pajamas as soon as possible.

They all got changed in the living room where Donghyuck had thrown together a messy pile of blankets and extra pillows for his guests. They collapsed onto the pile in minutes and their exhausted bodies laid together in a knot. 

Three boys, intoxicated by more than just alcohol. A lethal mix of lust, desire, and eagerness to explore more of each other. 

Renjun would drink that until it’s last drop.


	17. seventeen

Tuesday Afternoon  
Mid December, 2019  
Northern Seoul, South Korea  
Baskin Robbins

Renjun stared at the clock above the front door of the shop. No one has come in all morning. People don’t often want ice cream at this time of year. It’s been getting chillier but it’s not deep enough into December for snow to have fallen. Another reason for Renjun to feel a bit gloomy today. Winter break started this weekend for all of the schools in the area and so far he hadn’t spent a day not working.   
Work was noticeably less enjoyable for the last couple of months. However, the main purpose of this part of his life still remains; he needs money. He know his way around this place and it’s usually not so bad. So for now, he’s just gonna have to grin and bear it.

Today, Donghyuck has the closing shift, so they would only see each other to switch off. It would be a long, lonely, boring day for the both of them. Renjun had 10 minutes until Hyuck was supposed to come in and take over. He got a text from his group chat with Jeno and Jaemin. 

Even though they couldn’t hang out as often as Renjun wants to these days because of all the shifts his boss has been signing him up for, they made time for each other. Whether it be late late night video calls, impromptu half hour dates at the park, dropping by each other’s houses for a couple minutes just to see each other’s faces. It was all so pure and thrilling for them.   
They hadn’t made any huge moves on each other. Renjun was aware that they were moving slowly through whatever beautiful mess the three of them were creating. Part of him wanted more of them, and soon, but the other part of him trusted that this was a healthy pace.   
Of course, there was a third part of him he tried to suppress that was assuming things are moving slowly because they don’t want him the way he wants them. That they were just people that hung around Renjun for whatever reason, out of pity maybe, and Renjun was just constantly crossing the line with them.

He checks the texts on his phone to see that Jeno and Jaemin were letting him know they were biking around the area and wanted to stop in and see him. Renjun immediately perked up from his sluggish day as if he just downed six shots of espresso. 

Within a few minutes he caught sight of the two boys pedaling up to the storefront. They leaned their bikes against the windows and headed in, their silly helmets and sweaty faces making Renjun’s day.

“Renjunnah!” Jeno scream-whispered, stepping forward and removing his gloves. 

“Injunnie! You look so cute, I love a man in uniform.” Jaemin followed up, making Renjun jokingly scoff on the outside and yell on the inside. 

They looked around at the ice cream selection, the lights in the glass case beneath them made their brown eyes glitter like dravite gemstones. Renjun observed their rosy noses and cheeks from the winter bike session and wished he could grab them both and warm them and just take care of them. He hoped they wouldn’t catch a cold. 

“You thinking of ordering something?” Renjun asked calmly, trying to control his bodies reaction to the excitement of seeing them. 

“Hmmm... is it free?” Jaemin’s puppy dog eyes accompanying the question. 

“Uhh sorry I don’t have that kind of power here.” Renjun admitted, giggling. 

Jeno mused at the boy behind the counter and leaned on the glass with his arms, “I can think of something that’s free and even sweeter than ice cream.” He lightly grabbed Renjun’s chin, looking straight into his eyes. 

“Yeah, I’ll take one cute worker boy.” Jaemin added, coming to stand right next to Jeno and ogle along with him. 

Then, like a glass of cold water in the face, Donghyuck made his presence at the front door known, “Cute worker boy at your service!” Apparently, Mark dropped him off a couple minutes early. 

Jeno and Jaemin quickly spun around in unison, Jeno laced his hands behind his back as if to hide that he was just handling Renjun’s face. He couldn’t help but laugh at their surprise. 

“Hi Hyuck, we were just on our way out.” Jaemin lied.

“Don’t go too fast, I’m leaving too!” Renjun added, beaming and untying his apron. The two boys smiled and agreed to wait for him outside.

Renjun turned to Donghyuck who was prepping his station, “I don’t know whether to hate you because you just ruined that moment or love you for coming to relieve my shift.” 

“How about the second?” Donghyuck laughed, “Man, I didn’t know how whipped you have them, Huang.” 

“Do I?” 

“Look at them! They’re still waiting in the cold just to see you off to your car, well... my car, and if I didn’t break up that moment they were ready to have you on this counter top.” 

“They were not!” 

“I know that look. They were. Now go before they freeze.” Donghyuck concluded. 

Renjun did, and after saying their goodbyes and planning to video call later that night, he watched them bike away and drove himself home. 

When he got back, he fixed himself something to eat and headed off to his room. He couldn’t stop thinking of them as per usual. He felt himself going a little crazy so he tried to get his mind off of things. Whenever Renjun needed that, he would pull out his art supplies and start letting his thoughts ease out onto the canvas sheet.   
He remembered the photo he took on their camping trip that early morning in August. He planned to paint it but never had the time. 

So, he began by laying down the base colors of orange and light blue, brown rocky shapes and dark warm green blobs along the horizon to color block the paper. White messy streaks of highlights in the sky and mirrored onto the body of water. He had a method to his madness when it came to art. Map it out first, throw your bases down, and follow it up with the small details later. 

Before he knew it, it was nearing 5pm and he had been lost in the piece. He hadn’t felt this focused and calm in a while. He wasn’t very close to finishing but his mom interrupted with a knock on his door. 

“Come in.” He called out.

“Hi baby, did you eat?” 

“Yeah, a while ago.”

“Good good.”

Renjun sensed a weird air around her and it made his stomach ache. She leaned her head on his door frame with the saddest eyes and Renjun turned his body around in the chair to face her, hoping to clarify his own guesses without having to ask her.

She continued, “Can I talk to you?” 

“Yeah, come sit.” He barely said above a whisper, voice caught in his throat. His palms were already sweating. Being normally anxious himself he’s very receptive to anxiety around him, and his mom's behavior right now was no exception to that fact. 

She slowly closed the door behind her and accepted her oldest son's invitation, carefully sitting on the foot of his bed, “My boss called me into her office at the end of the day today.”

There was a pause, so Renjun prompted, “What did she say?” 

“She said that they had over staffed themselves at this branch and my position wasn’t as needed as they thought here.” 

“What the hell? But you’re always doing stuff for them! They swamp you with new tasks everyday. How are you not needed?” Renjun’s anxiety turned to annoyance. 

“I don’t know the facts, Junnie. I don’t know what I could have done differently.” Her eyes saddened further and her gaze fell off of Renjun. 

“Well, what are you gonna do? Are they gonna lay you off or something?” He didn’t want to stress her out but he wanted answers, he pulled his desk chair closer to her and rested his hand on her shoulder, trying to soften his manner. 

“No, they’re keeping me at the company.” Her voice was tired and soft. 

He felt a small bit of relief, “Oh! Well, I guess that’s good. What’s the matter, then?” 

She looked into his eyes once again, 

“Renjunnie, they’re transferring us back to China.”


End file.
